Cowboys Should Draft 'Name' Players

I think I have come up with a sure fire criteria for judging draft prospects. It's right in front of our face and as far as I know, no one has considered this key measurement.

We look at a player's height, weight, 40 times, college stats, his IQ, his Wonderlic score and on and on ad nauseum. How about looking at the guy's name? Maybe his name could give us a clue as to his leadership ability. We need a good blue collar guy in our defensive backfield who can give directions and put people in the right position- how about Lydell Sargeant from Penn State? Of course, he would be outranked by Captain Munnerlyn, the South Carolina CB, if we were able to draft both.

If we chose to go the regal route, there is SirVincent Rogers, the OL from the U of Houston. I'm not sure exactly how high in the royal court SirVincent would rank but Oklahoma's Duke Robinson is an obvious step up. If we drafted a player based on his royal sounding name alone, we would have to go for Mitch King the Iowa defensive lineman. It's good to be the king.

Everyone says the draft is a gamble. What is one main ingredient you need when you gamble? You need to get lucky. So, maybe we draft Marlon Lucky, the RB from Nebraska. Our Cowboys have played like they were half-asleep, so should we consider drafting Glenn Coffee, the RB from Alabama, as a stimulant?

Some guys just have cool sounding names. Some have perfect football names. Fenuki Tupou the OL from Oregon has a cool sounding name. Most Pacific Islanders do. If you say Fenuki Tupou three times in a row, you're guaranteed to feel better for the rest of the day.

Jorvorskie Lane, the 280-pound fullback from Texas A&M is not just a name, it's also what they call the path he clears for his running back. "The running back walked untouched down Jorvorskie Lane for the score!"

Then there's Bear Pascoe the TE from Fresno State and Stryker Sulak the defensive lineman from Missouri. Stryker Sulak has to be one of the coolest football names ever. So is Bear Pascoe, although I would doubt his loyalties if we played Chicago.

It's all about winning though, so that's what we really need to be drafting for. They say to the victor belong the spoils, so if the Cowboys want the spoils, they need to draft victors. Fortunately Victor Butler the LB from Oregon State and Victor Harris a CB from Virginia Tech are available. And with Victor Harris you also get a tough guy, because most people know him by his nick-name Macho. Macho Harris- I can hear the PA system in the Jerry-Dome now, blasting out- "Macho Macho Man, I want to be a Macho Man"- every time he makes a play.

There is one guy though, by shear birthright, who has earned a spot on the Cowboys roster. Welcome the OG from BYU, Dallas Reynolds. If only he had a twin brother named Cowboy!