Thank you BTB Nation, From Tarheel Paul

by TARHEEL PAUL on Jul 15, 2009 10:41 PM CDT

I feel like i owe it to all of you to say thank you. Thank you for all of the prayers, well wishes, and the heartfelt comments that you left on my behalf. I promise you i read everyone of them and it truly warmed my heart. Sometimes I go back and read them over and over just because it makes me feel a little better.

I would also like to give you an update on how my wife and I are doing. I wish i could say its getting a little bit easier everyday but that would be lie. Its been 37 days since I lost my precious Olivia. I have my moments when i can relax and smile but they don't usually last that long. I know this stuff is depressing but im just trying to speak from my heart. That is why it has taken me so long to post again. I just wasn't quite sure what to say. When you lose your heart and soul everything gets turned upside down and the world no longer makes any sense. And thats about the best way I can describe my feelings. Olivia Grace Leatherman was truly and honestly my heart and soul. She was everything to me. Everyday is a struggle. I have to wake up every morning and instead of packing my little girls lunch and dropping her off at preschool, I basically roll out of bed and go straight to work and try my best to make it through the day as fast as I can just so I can get home and feel close to her. I just miss her so much that its beyond words. My wife and I have been going to grief counseling and that has helped some but after awhile theres not much else you can say. My days basically consist of work, a lot of crying, a lot questiong god, a lot of anger towards god, and loveing my wife like there is no tommorrow. She has been amazingly strong through this whole thing. We have grown even closer. We hold each other up and take turns falling apart. The rest of my family has been great as well. They all hurt and cry with me but they are there to make sure I don't completely lose my mind. Especially my brother. I call him atleast 2 or 3 times a week around 11pm and we just talk and cry together. He is the best big brother you could ask for. He just happens to be a new member to the site as well, he goes by Capn B. Die hard Cowboy fan like myself.

Well, I don't want to depress you guys anymore than what i already have. I apologize for the downer but it helps me to write it out. And I truly do know that WE ARE ALL FAMILY and we care about one another. I love each and everyone one of you and again I ask that you all hug your children a little tighter from now on. Tell them how much you love them even if they get tired of hearing it. I know I did.

Also HUGE THANKS to everyone that agreed to donate the tickets to my wife and I. An amazing gift from a group of amazing people. I just can't thank you enough for that. Olivia would be so happy to know that I get to go to the first Cowboys game at the new stadium. She will be there in my heart! And to end this post I would like to quote my baby girl and say "GO COWBOYS". Thats what she knew football as. Anytime a game was on t.v. it was GO COWBOYS, not football. So once again "GO COWBOYS!!!",

With much love and thanks,

Paul

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Comments

Hi Paul.

Good to hear from you and glad that you have a wonderful family to support you. I’m glad our little community here was able to be there for you.

Take care,
Aaron

All eyes on Free.

by Aaron Novinger on Jul 15, 2009 11:02 PM CDT reply actions

Hang in there!

Your family has been in my prayers!

God Bless!

by Boyz4Life on Jul 15, 2009 11:08 PM CDT reply actions

Dear Paul,

Like Aaron said, it is good to hear from you. I will never profess to know what you are going through but I am happy to hear that you have a lot of family support around you during this extremely difficult time. I am even happier to hear that this community has been able to be part of that support. Have fun at the preseason game and just know that you are still in my thoughts.

Stay Strong,
Collin

If I had a nickel for every Super Bowl the Eagles have won, I would have zero nickels.

by Cowboyfan729 on Jul 15, 2009 11:10 PM CDT reply actions

Paul,

I’m glad that whatever support we have given you has help.

I’m not going to lie, it took me about twenty minutes to read through your post because everytime I think of you I can’t help but think of my little boy that is in the other room sleeping and it makes my eyes fill up.

So I can only hope that even if our posts just help a little, that they help.

God Bless and Go Cowboys,
Clifton

by The Immortal Iron Fist AKA AFB on Jul 15, 2009 11:25 PM CDT reply actions

Paul

You don’t owe us anything first off. If we have given you any kind of solace through this most horrific time in your life, that’s thanks enough. I had to go through this with a very close friend of mine and all I can tell you is to stay strong and honor your daughters’ memory every chance you get. Our prayers are still with you. I hope you and your wife can eventually find peace.

by Benthere on Jul 16, 2009 12:38 AM CDT reply actions

Hi Paul

Try to remember that your little girl would not want her daddy to be sad. Honor her memory with every single good time that you can remember and hold it in your heart. It sounds like you and your wife have really pulled together through all of this. That is unique, you know. Many couples split apart at the passing of a child. You are doing all of the right things. Come here and talk all you want. The Cowboy brotherhood stands with you.

The older I get, the better I was.

by Far Rider on Jul 16, 2009 7:33 AM CDT reply actions

Appreciate your thoughts Paul

Hang in there and stay strong, I’m sure as time rolls on the pain will lessen but the memories of her you cherish will always be with you forever.

In Romo we Trust

by Terry on Jul 16, 2009 7:40 AM CDT reply actions

Your note was far from depressing

As sad as it is to share your grief, it’s also incredibly important for you and for us. Most of us take for granted all that we have.

The courage and determination you, your wife and your family are showing are incredible, and it’s by pushing on and braving the pain that you honor your Olivia. She would be proud of all of you.

I hope you come back and chat with us often. We’re there for you, any time.

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig loves it.

by dunkman on Jul 16, 2009 8:53 AM CDT reply actions

Good to hear from you

Thank you for sharing, Paul. I can only imagine how difficult this has been for you and your wife and your words are not depressing, just real.

You remind us of all the things we take for granted each day and sharing this experience with you has helped me achieve a deeper appreciation for all that I have in my life.

God bless you and your family and stay strong.

by Billito on Jul 16, 2009 8:57 AM CDT reply actions

Prayers to Olivia

Thanks for sharing with us, Paul. I think I speak for all of us that you are welcome to talk to us about your daughter anytime. I have an 11 month old son and understand the love you had for Olivia.

I’m so happy to hear that you and your wife have grown closer during this time. As Far Rider mentioned, that is unique and shows what a special bond you have. Your daughter would be proud of the way you and your family have handled this horrible, tragic situation.

by TCBinNYC on Jul 16, 2009 9:37 AM CDT reply actions

Best Wishes Paul....

Your post is far from depressing. More of a reminder to appreciate everything we have in our lives. Thanks for sharing once again. If my one year old Emme knew what you have done for us, she would thank you too….

Anomoly............taking flight September 15th....

by goat3000 on Jul 16, 2009 9:50 AM CDT reply actions

Family Matters

…in times like these and it is heartwarming to know that you have a strong relationship with your wife and family. Everything you are feeling is natural and as you pass through the period of grieving, I know you’ll hold tight to the goodness and love that was your daughter.

No one knows why such things happen, but I pray that you and yours are comforted by knowing she is in His embrace.

"Well, we didn't block real good but we made up for it by not tackling."

- John McKay, the first coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers

by 5Blings on Jul 16, 2009 1:10 PM CDT reply actions

Thank you for the update, Paul.

You and your family are in my thoughts every single day. I hug my family more every day because of your strength to share your story. Best wishes to all of you.

by Baked Potato Soup on Jul 16, 2009 1:18 PM CDT reply actions

Paul - I understand

I feel you friend. I can tell you that rain comes down but not forever and eventually you will see the sun and feel its warmth as you heal.

The pain changes some when we focus, not on our loss but on today and what we have this moment. That includes the deep memories of love you shared with Olivia while she was here. They are still with you today and always will be. I had to learn that living in yesterday or tomorrow robs me of today. It is just as you say – you struggle through each day until the healing is far enough to live for today. It will come but it seems to take forever.

Thank you for sharing from your heart. My heart is with you to walk alongside.

- Lee

by lee3022 on Jul 18, 2009 1:24 AM CDT reply actions

Your post is not depressing at all Paul

Get it out because i hope if anything happened with me i could do the same.

Your post is very motivating in so many ways. it shows what true courage is and also shows people not to take stuff for granted.

Anyway If there is anything i can do please let me know

What the French?! Toast!

by thebigham on Jul 18, 2009 6:04 AM CDT reply actions

I didn't find your post a downer

Quite the contrary. I had been wondering how you were and when would you be back posting. Keep doing it. It was really good to hear from you. Welcome Back.

And this one’s for you:

GO COWBOYS

by Sergio Padron on Jul 21, 2009 2:00 AM CDT reply actions