OK, so the post by CCCuts got me thinking, "Who are the wimpiest, least scary guys ever in the NFL?" But, I thought, that would be impossible, because if they're truly wusses they wouldn't have stayed in the NFL long enough for me to know them, right? But then, a few names and faces popped into my mind, including some Cowboys, since that's the team I know best. Some of these guys were decent players, some weren't, but none made or make me feel scared.
And who was the first person that came to mind? Well, having grown up in the 70's, it was, strangely enough.....
Rams QB Pat Haden, 1976-1981. Do you wet your pants when you see that guy? I always remembered Mr. Haden because I lived in SoCal and hated the Rams, as they and the Vikings were always obstacles to "Our" next, deserved, Super Bowl. When I looked him up to refresh my memory....he was even wimpier than I imagined!
To his credit he had to play as a rookie in 1976 due to injuries, and led the Rams over the Cowboys in the playoffs. He would basically hand the ball off, try not to throw interceptions, and wait for his D to win games.
The next year the Rams brought in ole Joe Namath because they didn't want to give Haden another shot. After Namath's knees imploded, Haden again took them to the playoffs-and lost. In 1978 he was given the starting job, and ended up in one of my favorite all-time Cowboys victories, the 28-0 slaughter in the NFC title game. That "0" shows you how scary Pat Haden was. Stuff the running game and this guy could do nothing.
Injuries and a stud Italian named Vince Ferragamo pushed Haden aside, and he took himself immediately to the broadcast booth where he was afe from all those big, mean, nasty men. Career Stats: 54% Completions, TD-INT 52-60, and a rating of 69.6. Not scary for a guy who actually played in the playoffs every year-on the backs of Fred Dryer, Jack Youngblood and Tom Mack.
Todd Marinovich. Hey, what is it about USC quarterbacks? (Haden was one too. And Matt Leinart, he could be on here.)
I just remember laughing at this guy as an NFL QB. How many of his games, I wonder, did he play stoned? He looked like a guy who wanted to get out of there while he still had all his pieces so he could, you know, go relax, dude.
All right, let's pick on the Cowboys. Remember these faces?
Remember these high draft picks, Jerry's attempts to find the new Charles Haley?
Shante Carver-1st round. Kavika Pittman, 2nd round. Ebenezer Ekuban, 1st round again. Man, what a wasteland of defensive ends. Now, I know Ekuban was still playing last year (unsigned as of now), but 36 sacks in 9 seasons for a 1st rounder? None of these guys had opposing DC's losing any sleep.
Most of you are probably familiar with Garo Yepremian's famous pass attempt on a failed field goal, since it happened in a Super Bowl. It was like he had never even held a football, much less thrown one. Now, it would be easy to fill this list with Kickers and Punters, but I didn't want to do that. But this play really stands out.
I couldn't find a clip to link to, surprisingly. It's one ugly play. And he's definitely NOT scary.
The Cowboys are ahead, time's running out, and the Chargers (he never played for our team, did he??) have Ryan Leaf jog out to lead the final drive.
Are you scared? No, didn't think so!
But you know, maybe as time has gone by, he's gotten a raw deal. Was he really that bad? Here are his career stats:
Career NFL statistics
Pass attempts 655
Pass completions 317
Passing yards 3,666
QB Rating 50.0
Actually, yes he was that bad.
And finally, one more Cowboy:
Actually, I just put this here to piss off Terry. And the first one's for Montecito Tex.
Fortunately, Mr. Romo has made up for these unfortunate moments.
Let me know who I'm forgetting, there's go to be more.