FanPost

The Garrett Revolution.


There's been so much Jason Garrett (he's in the main columns, the fan-posts, the comment section) talk lately that I just needed to get involved. I've heard all the Garrett theories but I really think they fall short. It's such a shame this huge pile of the NFL's best "talent" on offense has to suffer through Garrett missing blocks, dropping passes, false starting, holding, throwing interceptions and fumbling.

The real issue though is that we need to accept that Garrett also runs the draft, tells the Owner/GM, Scouting Director and Head Coach what to do. Garrett also makes every personal decision including free agency, contracts and playing time. You see in reality Garrett secretly controls the whole Cowboys organization. Nobody dares move in that place without checking with Garrett first. Garrett rules Valley Ranch with a bright red iron fist.

 

His plan is to orchestrate a Great Leap Forward for the Cowboys by having every member of the Cowboys organization study, from the Owner through to the Players, his Little Red Playbook and be able to recite sections when demanded. This has been great for team morale but on-field performance has suffered as the Little Red Playbook is mostly Garrett's personal philosophy on football and only actually contains a handful of basic plays.

 

Apparently Jerry is now demanding that everyone refer to Jason as Chairman Garrett. It seems the Garrett Revolution is well underway. Garret has gone completely out of control and his brutality knows no bounds. When Philips asked Garrett why Garrett didn't overrule Philips' own decision to throw a Hail Mary before the half against the Skins, Garrett replied; "Football is not a dinner party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture or doing embroidery".

 

Wade was confused and a little intimidated but he asked the question anyway; "I'm sorry, what?". An enraged Garrett roared "Football is not love. Football is a hammer we use to crush the enemy". Wade just frowned and walked away.

 

Romo also has been heavily influenced by Garrett and his new red playbook. Speaking to reporters about leadership on the squad Tony stated; "The cardinal responsibility of leadership is to identify the dominant contradiction at each point of the football process and to work out a central line to resolve it".

 

Brooking's new pre-game pump up speech also shows that Garrett's insidious influence has spread to the defense; "Football may be likened to the long months of pregnancy, and winning a game to the day of birth. We need a Caesarean!!".

 

Several other Cowboy players have lodged complaints with the NFL after starting the season 0-2. They claim that parity is not good enough, they want equality, and someone who has 2 wins should give 1 to them because they have none. The NFL has yet to reply.

 

When Garrett was asked about the Week 3 crucial Houston match-up he replied; "In waking the Texans, use a long stick" and that they "despise the enemy strategically, but take him serious tactically". On whether he would ease up on the pass for more runs Garrett observed; "There is a serious tendency toward passing among the well-to-do quarterbacks".

 

And finally, asked to explain what's going wrong the first two weeks Garrett coolly stated; "We where swollen in head, weak in legs, sharp in tongue but empty in win column".

 

Never a truer word was spoken.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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