Let's Make A Deal!

Game show host:  "Hi I’m Monty Hall and welcome to our show….LET’S MAKE A DEAL! I am joined by our beautiful assistant Carol Merrill who will helping with the prizes on our show today."

Carol an extremely endowed brunette takes a bow.

Game show host:  Now let’s go into our studio audience and meet the contestant traders on our show today and play….LET’S MAKE A DEAL! 

Mony Hall walks up the aisle and stops at a row and leans over with the microphone to the first contestant. The contestant is dressed up in a grey hoodie with cut off sleeves. The hoodie has a Patriots logo. 

Game show host: "And here we have our first contestant, what’s your name sir?"

Contestant #1 has a look on his face like he just awoke from a coma. He monatonely  mumbles into the microphone:  "I’d rather not say"

Game show host: "OK, so what brings you to our show today?"

Contestant #1: "Just doing my job."

Game show host:  "And what would that job be?" 

Contestant #1: "I’d rather not say"

Game show host  sheepishly asks: "OK, is there anything you can tell us about yourself?"

Contestant #1: "We just got to get better in all phases of the game."

The show host is getting visibly irritated when the producer talks to him through his ear piece microphone: " Jesus, Monty this guy is a mental case….just get on with the show!"

Game show host: "Ok Mr Hoodie, what do you have to offer us today on LETS MAKE A DEAL!"

At this point contestant #1 points to an extremely large man dressed as a football player sitting in the seat next to him. He suddenly becomes a chatty cathy doll as he  spouts off his career highlights.

Contestant #1: "I’ve got Logan here. Logan has been a great player for us. He was a number one draft pick,  32nd overall, in 2005. He was a first year starter and has not missed a game. He played both left tackle and left guard. He is a two time pro bowler and two time second team all pro.

Game show host: "Holy cow, why do you want to get rid of him?"

Contestant #1: "I’d rather not say" 

Game show host: "OK, what are you looking for Mr Hoodie"

Contestant #1: "We gotta get more pass rush"

Game show host: "Ok Mr Hoodie,  our beautiful Carol Merrril is standing next to Door 1.  Jay Steward tell us what is behind this door and LET’S MAKE A DEAL!" 

Producer talking to Monty again through his ear piece microphone: "We got a problem Monty, Jay slipped on the stage door stairs and tore his ACL. He is out for the season. I got this guy from Dallas as his back up. He goes by JJ"

Game show host: " Seems we are having a little technical difficulties. JJ tell us what you have behind door #1."

Announcer (in southern drawl): " This is Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys. I first all want to say I’m…. uhhh……very excited about……uhhh…… the 2010 football season. I really believe we have……uhhh…..the pieces in place for……uhhh……. a long run in the……uhhh……playoffs this season.  With that being said…..uhhh…..behind door #1, I have….uhhhh……a 2nd year pass rushing outside linebacker from Oregon, Victor Butler."

The Door opens to show the stout linebacker , who waves to the audience. The crowd politely applauds.

Game show host: " Well what do you think Mr. Hoodie?"

Contestant #1: "Mankins is a great player"

Game show host: " Well Butler has the potential to help your pass rush, perhaps if I sweetened the deal with a 7th round draft pick?"

Contestant #1: "Mankins is a great player"

Game show host: "How about Door #1 plus a 6th round draft pick? "

Contestant # 1: "We just got to get better in all phases of the game."

At this point the announcer breaks in.

Announcer: Bill, now I know how much you admire Marion Barber. After that 2008 game in which he…..uhhh…..must have broke twenty tackles in the end zone….uhhh...... to avoid that safety…….uhhh… personally sought him out after the game to shake his hand.

Contestant #1: " Marion’s a great player" 

Game show host: " What if we gave you Victor Butler from Door #1 and Marion Barber for Mankins?"

Contestant #1: "We just got to get better in all phases of the game."

Game show host: " I need a decision"

Contestant #1: "OK, I’ll take Butler from Door #1 plus Barber for Mankins."

The audience politely applauds.

Game show host: "Well that sounds like a great trade, both teams should benefit from the deal. But before we go, I want to see if you would consider what’s behind curtain #2 for Butler and Barber? 

Contestant #1: "We just gotta make more plays"

Game show host (starting to get frustrated): " OK, I’ll take that as a yes. Carol show us what’s behind curtain #2."

Carol gestures to curtain #2 and the curtains open to reveal a large trash can. Carol walks over to trash can and grabs the lid and pulls it off. Out of the trash can pops a rather worn out looking football player.

Announcer: "Bill you are now the proud owner of one of my better draft picks. You now have the rights to…….uhhh……Quincy Carter!

Cue the booby prize sound effects.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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