Belated Christmas Wishes

So I'm getting to my Christmas wishes for all of the Cowboy family about three weeks late, but that is early for me :)

The Staff

  • Jerry Jones: A nice 100oz Humperdink's Hefeweizen to keep you occupied while Stephen and Jason run the show.
  • Stephen Jones: Another 100oz Hefeweizen for Jerry.
  • Jason Garrett: Two Sierra Nevada Celebration Ales. One right now for getting the job. One in the future for your first Super Bowl win.
  • Dave Campo: In honor of your nose, a six-pack of Goose Island Honker Ale to enjoy during your retirement.
  • Joe DeCamillis: A Yuengling Porter. It's not the greatest beer in the world, but Yuengling is the oldest brewery in the US and you need some stability in your life.
  • John Garrett: A Skookum Cascadian Brown Ale from Phillips Brewing Company to go with the other Phillips that you get back.
  • Reggie Herring: A Jolly Pumpkin E.S. Bam Farmhouse Ale to encourage your troops to hit with some extra special BAMs!
  • Hudson Houck: A Deschutes Red Chair NWPA to sit back and relax with.
  • Joe Juraszek: The Cowboys have routinely had fewer injuries than average. I suspect you're part of the reason. For that, you get my thanks and a Great Divide Hercules Double IPA.
  • Bobby King: A Humperdink's Total Disorder Porter to take with you to Houston.
  • Brett Maxie: A Great Divide Samurai Ale to pass on that code to your troops in your new job as DBs coach.
  • Paul Pasqualoni: A New Belgium 1554 Black Ale to sip while watching change pass you by.
  • Skip Peete: A Founder's Devil Dancer Triple IPA to help teach your troops fancy footwork.
  • Wes Phillips: See Bobby King
  • Ray Sherman: A Sierra Nevada Torpedo IPA. Whether you're the de facto offensive coordinator or still the wide receiver's coach, I hope your troops keep attacking.
  • Wade Wilson: As well as the backups did this year, you deserve a nice cold Boulevard Double-Wide IPA.

The Players

  • Tony Romo: Oh, this one was easy. Health and a happy marriage with a Humperdink's Texas Blonde Ale. You also get a Bilbo's Brewpub Return of the King Ale for 2011.
  • Jon Kitna: A Founder's Curmudgeon Ale to enjoy on that bench that you hopefully never have to leave in 2011.
  • Stephen McGee: A New Belgium Mighty Arrow Pale Ale for your future.
  • Marion Barber III: A Great Divide Old Ruffian Barleywine Ale. We'll miss you.
  • Felix Jones: A Lagunitas Hop Stoopid Ale for making defenders feel, well, stoopid.
  • Tashard Choice: You do whatever it takes to win, so you get a Rogue Brewing Dad's Little Helper Malt Beverage.
  • Lonyae Miller: You know, I've only seen you in preseason, so I have to say that your ceiling remains fuzzy to me, so I'm going to give you an Abita Purple Haze Raspberry Wheat.
  • Chris Gronkowski: When Romo gets back, I hope that this Boulder Beer Flashback Ale is the only one you get.
  • Miles Austin: Bill Parcells was one of the few who saw what you could be, so you get a Lost Abbey Gift of the Magi Golden Ale. Just don't drop it.
  • Dez Bryant: A Free State Ad Astra Ale for, well, for obvious reasons. 
  • Roy Williams: An Avery Karma Belgian Ale. You certainly haven't had any other good karma while you've been here.
  • Sam Hurd: You've been a really nice player both on offense and special teams despite not getting much recognition. You've earned a Lost Abbey Devotion Blond Ale in the hopes that you continue to be a Cowboy.
  • Kevin Ogletree: I'm hoping that your 2009 season reflects your talent more than your 2010, so I'm giving you an Avery Brewing Salvation Golden Ale for the sake of your football soul.
  • Jesse Holley: You've battled to be where you are, so you've earned a Left Hand Brewery Warrior IPA.
  • Manny Johnson: If the rest of the receivers stay healthy, you never see the light of day, so you get a Deschutes Hop in the Dark Cascadian Dark Ale.
  • Jason Witten: You get one of my favorites, a Dogfish Head 120-Minute IPA, because you just keep on playing.
  • Martellus Bennett: You get the Dogfish Head 60-Minute IPA, because you're half the player than Witten is.
  • John Phillips: I'm going to give you the Dogfish Head 90-Minute IPA, because you showed during training camp that you might just be Witten-Light.
  • Martin Rucker: A Flat Branch Katy Trail Pale Ale to give you a taste of home, and well, because with Witten, Bennett, and Phillips healthy, you'll have plenty of time to sit at home.
  • Andre Gurode: You're not as good as your Pro Bowl tally would suggest, but still, you're a solid player, so for that, I'm going to give you a Hoppin' Frog Boris the Crusher Imperial Stout.
  • Phil Costa: I think you have a goodly amount of potential, so I'm giving you an Avery Hog Heaven Barleywine in the hopes you reach lineman Nirvana.
  • Kyle Kosier: You're the old wise man that holds the line together, so hopefully this Russian River Pliny the Elder Double IPA will encourage you to stay.
  • Leonard Davis: A Three Floyd's Dreadnought Imperial Ale IPA. You're certainly dreadnought-class, but sadly, dreadnoughts are obsolete. 
  • Montrae Holland: You kind of remind me of a big ol' tree, slow yet powerful and you'd have made a great Ent. Hence, you get a Lagunitas Gnarleywine.
  • Marc Colombo: Your career hasn't been what you hoped, but your attitude was awesome. Still, it's time for a Deschutes Twilight Ale.
  • Doug Free: You were the only solid piece to the offensive line in 2010, earning you a Free State Ironman Imperial Stout.
  • Sam Young: You were a hoss at Notre Dame, and we hope you'll be a hoss here, so you get a Great Divide Hoss Rye Lager.
  • Robert Brewster: I'm hoping you're not a complete bust, so I'm sending you a Left Hand Brewery Good Juju Spice Ale.
  • Alex Barron: You get an AleSmith Old Numbskull Barleywine for one play.
  • Marcus Spears: You've toiled in almost mythical obscurity, but you're a monster against the run. so you get an Great Divide Yeti Imperial Stout.
  • Igor Olshansky: A Russian River Damnation Golden Ale, the brewery for your heritage and the beer for your stupid antics and mediocre play.
  • Jason Hatcher: I'm tired of your inconsistency, so with your contract up, I'm giving you a Left Hand Fade to Black Stout to symbolize your Cowboys tenure.
  • Stephen Bowen: You're so close, you just need a Cigar City Zhukov's Final Push Imperial Stout to put you over the top. 
  • Clifton Geathers: You're a nephew of Jumpy Geathers, the last Wichita State Shocker in the NFL, so you get a River City Tornado Alley IPA. Two other interesting WSU football notes. One, Parcells is also a Shocker. Two, the year *after* they dropped their football program, they were still ranked higher than some teams, including K-State.
  • Jay Ratliff: When you're on your game, a Bell's Hell Hath No Fury... Belgian Dubbel Ale perfectly describes you.
  • Josh Brent: Your career up to this point really suggests that you deserve a Boulevard Long Strange Tripel Belgian Ale.
  • Sean Lissamore: A 300-pounder actually running track events? That calls for an Abita Turbodog Brown Ale.
  • Bradie James: You keep making tackles, I'll keep giving you Bell's Hopslam Double IPAs. 
  • Keith Brooking: A River City Old Town Brown Ale, with an emphasis on the "old."
  • Sean Lee: After the Colts game, what else could you receive but a Boulder Beer Mojo Risin' Double IPA.
  • Leon Williams: I hope you magically improve to a quality backup ILB, so I'm giving you a Great Divide Fresh Hop Pale Ale to improve your chances.
  • DeMarcus Ware: A Stone Brewing Arrogant Bastard Ale. You've earned the right.
  • Anthony Spencer: An Erie Brewing Mad Anthony Ale because I really hope you can channel Mad Anthony Wayne for the rest of your career.
  • Victor Butler: A Rogue Brewing Chipotle Ale because every time you were on the field, things got spicier.
  • Brandon Williams: I've seen some progress from you, but it's slower than I'd like. Hence, I'm going to give you a Boulder Beer Killer Penguin Barleywine in hopes you turn into a cold killer.
  • Kenwin Cummings: Who? Well, you're a Cowboy so you should get something. So, um, well, how about a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale which is about as generic of a microbrew there is.
  • Terence Newman: When you're healthy, you earn Lagunitas Undercover Investigation Shut-Down Ale every time.
  • Mike Jenkins: You need to get it back, so here's a Boulder Beer Mojo IPA to help.
  • Orlando Scandrick: Your first half of 2010 was just brutal and opposing receivers constantly waved goodbye as they passed you, so I'm giving you a Boulevard Seeyoulator Doppelbock in the hopes that it's the last time you get that in 2011.
  • Bryan McCann: Whether you're returning an interception 101 yards or putting the ball on the ground, you're giving someone a reason to celebrate, so you get an Avery Brewing Old Jubilation Ale.
  • Teddy Williams: You're fast. Really, really fast. You therefore get a Phillips Brewing Slipstream Double IPA.
  • Alan Ball: You earned an Erie Brewing Misery Bay IPA after all the misery you caused Cowboy fans. 
  • Gerald Sensabaugh: A Russian River Blind Pig IPA pretty much describes how you played safety in 2010.
  • Daniel McCray and Barry Church: Given that you were rookie FAs the same year, play the same position, and both regarded as good special teamers, I sort of regard you as twins. And since I want to see you both cause Cowboy opponents harm, I'm giving you two a Dogfish Head/Sierra Nevada Life and Limb Strong Beer and a Dogfish Head/Sierra Nevada Limb and Life Small Beer.
  • Akwasi Owusu-Ansah: I'm going to give you a Boulevard Bully Porter because that's how I feel about your chances.
  • Andrew Sendejo: See Kenwin Cummings, but we'll be different and give you a New Belgium Fat Tire Amber Ale.
  • David Buehler: A Left Hand Brewery 400 Pound Monkey IPA so that hopefully the monkey will be in your stomach and not on your back. 
  • Kris Brown: So your FG percentage suggest you're not really significantly more reliable than Buehler, so I'm giving you a Bell's Oracle Double IPA because I foresee your time here to be short.
  • Mat McBriar: You routinely put the opposing offense in a bad place, so I'm giving you a Founders Nemesis One of a Kind Ale.
  • J.P. LaDouceur: A Sam Adams Latitude 48 because your snaps were always in the place they were supposed to be. 

And finally, I'm wishing all of you a happy 2011, so I wish you all the beverage of your choice. For myself, I'm going to go have a few Schlafly APAs.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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