FanPost

MORE GREATRIOT MYTHS EXPLODED!!!!!!!!

MYTH #1: THIS SHOULD BE A FANSHOT: Fanshots are simply not important enough to give proper recognition to exploding the myths surrounding the GREATEST OF GREATEST GREATNESS, the almighty AMERICAN (because New England is too small to hold the Greatness that is their Greatness) GREATRIOTS. In fact, a FANPOST is WHOLLY INADEQUATE. I demand FRONTPAGE STATUS NOW. And Bigham, you can take Curt Schilling's bloody sock and shove it where the SUN DON'T SHINE. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #2: THE GREATRIOTS DEFENSE IS IN SOME WAY DEFICIENT:  Sure, they may rank in the bottom third of the league statistically, but they are FIRST IN OUR HEARTS AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. You cow turd chewing losers will see on Sunday. The Greatriots defense could stop any offense in the league. They could also stop the Lombardi Packers' Sweep, Montana's 49ers, The Aikman-Irvin-Smith Cowboys, The 1927 Yankees (WHO EVERYONE KNOWS WERE CHEATING CHEATERS), The United States Marine Corps at Iwo Jima, Sherman on his march to the Sea, and Henry V's Army at Agincourt. Band of Brothers, MY ASS. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #3: THE COWBOYS HAVE WON MORE SUPER BOWLS THAN THE GREATRIOTS:  This is the most pernicious myth of all. First of all, the GREATRIOTS won the 2007 Super Bowl because David Tyree is a nobody who never should have been allowed to take the field against the Greatest Collection of Talent in the History of GOD'S GREEN EARTH! AND THERE WAS HOLDING! AND JUSTIN TUCK PLAYED BETTER THAN HE EVER HAS! AND THE GREATRIOTS HAD THE LEAD UNTIL THE GIANTS PULLED AHEAD! BY CHEATING! CHEATING CHEATERS! Also, all the Super Bowls the GREATRIOTS lost actually count as 3/4 of a win, so suck it DALLAS. SUCK IT LONG AND HARD. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #4: TOM LANDRY WAS CLASSIER THAN BILL BELICHICK:  Even you redneck hillbilly RETARDS can see that a cut off hoodie is WAAAAAY classier than a fedora. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #5: REAL MEN DON'T WEAR UGGS: Do you like apples? Tom BRADY wears UGGS.HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES? NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #6: TEXAS BOY MATTHEW MCCONNAUGHEY IS THE BEST LOOKING GUY IN HOLLYWOOD: No HOMO, but have you guys seen BEN AFFLECK? Two words for you: GOOD WILL HUNTING. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #7: THERE ARE BETTER FANS THAN GREATRIOT FANS: The Greatriots sold out every home game for the first time in 1994, the FIRST TIME ANY TEAM IN ANY SPORT HAS EVER DONE THAT. Dallas plays to half full stands AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE.  Dallas still has not sold out a game AND THEY WON'T UNTIL THE GREATRIOTS COME TO YOUR PISSPOT OF A STADIUM AND GREATRIOT NATION BUYS ALL THE TICKETS WHILE YOU LOSERS ARE AT THE RODEO. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #8: HICKORY SMOKED BRISKET IS GOOD BBQ: Every one knows that the best BBQ is BOSTON BAKED BEANS. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #9: WILLIE NELSON IS AN IMPORTANT FIGURE IN AMERICAN MUSIC: Seriously, where do you bull riding morons get off spouting this crap? The Mighty Mighty BOSSTONES ARE THE GREATEST AMERICAN BAND EVER. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #10: THE MAVERICKS ARE NBA CHAMPS: Did you beat the Celtics in the FINALS? Consider that myth EXPLODED. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

MYTH #11: THIS POST WAS WHOLLY INSPIRED BY TAWMEE FROM QUINZEE FROM KSK: NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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