My Nostradamus interpretations may be a little rough around the edges at times, but I believe I've actually stumbled upon something that pertains to our beloved Cowboys. Because the predictions happen in the near future, I consider it my duty to share the details with my fellow fans. But I have to warn you, this is full disclosure, so read this at your own peril. It will be disheartening at times and may even test your faith as a fan. Then again, if you're still here this far into Jerry Jones' tenure as owner, you're probably as diehard as I am, so you'll be fine...
Rough translation of Quatrain 78:
As many of us have already feared, Rob Ryan does indeed leave the Cowboys after we lose in the NFC Championship game to the Saints this season. He becomes head coach for the Miami Dolphins next year, after the team finishes 3-13, taking over for the fired Tony Sparano, who will be rejoining the Cowboys in a similar capacity to his previous job here. As owner of the first pick in the draft, Jeff Ireland, who barely hangs on as GM, and Ryan make the obvious choice and take Andrew Luck and start him right away the following season. As far as Chad Henne's future goes, he is actually traded to Dallas for a conditional 6th round draft choice, with the upcoming retirement of Jon Kitna.
In his first year as head coach, Rob Ryan cobbles together a defense to be reckoned with and beats some good teams on the way to a 10-6 season, just missing the playoffs at the hands of the brother, Rex. He does earn the Coach of the Year award, kind of a poor man's consolation prize in the eye's of the incensed Ryan. The cameras aren't around to catch it but the story of what he does with the award eventually breaks when someone wins it on eBay and the seller is tracked down and turns out to be Ryan's garbage man.
Also, proving all the hype wasn't hot air for a change, Andrew Luck throws for 2900 yards and 24 TD's with just 10 picks on his way to Offensive Rookie of the Year honors. The papers compare his poise and accuracy to a young Troy Aikman, which is about right, considering the kind of career he has once Ireland gets him a bruising, chain-moving running back in the following year's draft that will remind us Cowboys fans of a speedier version of an ex-Cowboy, current Bear when he was still in his prime.
Powered by the ever-improving golden arm of Andrew Luck, a powerhouse running attack, and a surprisingly stingy defense that leads the league in sacks and takeaways, Ryan's Redneck's bull through the regular season with a 13-3 mark, capturing first seed in the playoff. Miami easily wins the AFC Championship game against his brother, Rex, avenging the previous year's loss that kept them home for the post-season, and moves on to Super Bowl XLVIII, only two years after leaving Dallas for South Florida. Over in our conference, a surprise Wildcard team that we all know and love beats expectations and pulls off a few miracles on the way to the conference title. After DeMarcus Ware knocks Aaron Rodgers out of the game in the first half, Dallas goes on to beat Green Bay in an ugly win, 13-9, punching its ticket to the Cowboys' first Superbowl appearance in nearly two decades.
Unfortunately, this is as close as Dallas ever gets to Bowl glory during Garrett's watch, losing to Ryan's Dolphins by the final score of 17-13. Under constant duress the whole game and playing with a concussion that he doesn't tell anyone about in the final quarter, Romo throws three interceptions and is sacked a Superbowl record nine times, including a strip sack by Cameron Wake from inside Miami's thirteen-yard line on the final play of the game. For Ryan and Luck, this is only the first of three Superbowls for the incredible duo before decade's end.
Romo is traded to Minnesota the following season for a pair of second round picks. His second season as QB, he leads the Vikings to their first Superbowl victory and goes out on top, a la John Elway. Fittingly, Jerry Jones watches Romo's brlliant performance from his owner's box, since the game between Minnesota and Pittsburgh is played that day in Arlington. After taking multiple questions from reporters about the logic of trading a known commodity like Romo and then watching the combination of Chad Henne and Steven McGee lead Dallas to a 6-10 and 8-8 record the next two seasons, Jerry Jones begins wearing sunglasses due to symptoms of uncontrollable twitching in his left eye, brought on by what he claimed was stress from all the hours he'd put in the last season as GM. This marks the start of a bumpy, downhill slalom leading to an ugly collusion with the insanity tree for Jones.
Dallas, under the firm, but inevitably futile hand of Jason Garrett, failed to make the playoff two out of the next three seasons after their Superbowl showing. The last straw is a crushing Wildcard loss to the Saints, 41-13. Garrett is summarily dismissed and jettisoned from Jones' private plane on the trip home.
Fortunately for the always prepared ex-coach, he is wearing an eight million dollar golden parachute at the time of the firing and suffers nothing more than a wounded reputation. With all of Rob Ryan's Superbowl success while coaching for another team, it's Sean Payton all other again for Cowboys fans.
One month after the Jason Garrett firing, Jerry Jones suffers a total mental breakdown, but it will be four long, frustrating years before anyone actually notices. It is only after he attempts to trade his 1st, 3rd,and 6th round picks in the draft to Detroit for third-string wideout, and now post-40-years old, Randy Moss that his family realizes just how far gone he has become. Jerry Jones is finally committed to a psychiatric facility in Arlington but is allowed visits to the his stadium every Sunday.
When none other than Jimmy Johnson reluctantly comes out of retirement to serve as GM at the urging of countless fans and a mountainous pile of Jones' money, he immediately hires Bill Cowher as head coach. And in only their first season together, Dallas finally nets its sixth Superbowl title as Jerry Jones watches from his personal padded owners box with a giant screen TV and a headset hooked up to nothing, allowing Jones call plays without doing any real harm. After pretend-coaching.Dallas to Superbowl glory, his family quietly has him taken away to a posh insane asylum built by his son in North Little Rock, Arkansas the following off-season.
Seven years at trading his shoulder pads in for a set of clubs- as in nightclubs, two of the most popular hangouts in LA and NYC called TORo- Romo earns his yellow jacket, entering the Hall of Fame alongside his longtime friend, Jason Witten, who is a first ballot HOF selection. In a surprising and somewhat controversial move, Terrell Owens, Romo's friend and longtime business partner in the TORo franchise, is his presenter, the two of them having patched things up after they retired. It had been Owen's idea to open the first of the overnight sensation, ultra successful, Hollywood A-Lister, party palaces, and being completely broke at the time, he'd come to Romo to beg for the start-up cash. Romo said yes and the rest will be history in about ten years or so. Having already dropped one tear after another in Canton, Owens gets up and tells the gathered crowd at the very end, "That's my teammate... That's my quarterback," before the two embrace in a heartfelt moment.
So in summary, it looks like we as Cowboys fans will have to wait a few more years before our team tastes Superbowl glory once again; but at least we now know it's on the horizon.
Oh yeah, as far as Jason Garrett's story goes, he never coaches again; but ten years after his last game on a sideline, Garrett becomes a two-term US President, and finally gets a much needed win over Iran in World War III.
But again, my Nostradamus is a little hit or miss, so don't bet the farm on any of my predictions. After all, as Nostradamus fans already know, his writings tend to be subject to wide ranging opinion and interpretation, and it gets more and more unclear trying to figure out exactly what he truly could have been thinking the deeper you dig. Come to think of it, it's a lot like Jason Garrett's play calling selection and decision making...
Which is what gets us into WW3 in the first place.