SB Nation Dallas Editor's Pick
Jason & Jerry
by Luke. on Nov 3, 2011 12:56 PM CDT
Email
Print
The theorizing about power struggles at Valley Ranch caught my interest. I thought I'd give my take.
My expert analysis is that Jerry only hires coaches that he has incriminating photos of to ensure cooperation. Unfortunately for Jerry this time he was outsmarted.
Jason, being a long time Cowboys employee, and having an inside man deep in the organization for many years (Jason's father Jim) was well aware of Jerry's insurance scheme. Jason knew that Jerry had revealing photos of Jason from the glorious 'White House' years (Jason didn't visit the white house much but when he did he sure made the most of it). But the smiling assassin Jason Garrett had his own plan.
Early 2011...
"Good Morning Jerry".
Jerry looks up from his morning money count;
"Well good morning to you too young man. What can I do for you this morning?"
"Well you can start by cutting the overpaid and under-performing Roy Williams, Marion Barber, Leonard Davis and Marc Colombo".
Jerry hesitates for a moment, then chuckles; "You had me worried there for a second junior, I almost thought you were serious. You're a bit of a live-wire, I better keep my eye on you. Run along now and I'll bring you down the roster later today".
"I'm afraid not Jerry. Things are going to work a little differently from now on. I'm the Head Coach and I'll be doing the roster".
"Did you hit your head son? What the hell are you doing talking this nonsense in my office grinning like an idiot. I'm Jerry freakin' Jones, I captain this ship. Either get on board with what I'm doing or get the hell off!"
"I was hoping it wouldn't come to this Jerry but you leave me no choice. Remember the day I was officially named Head Coach? Remember when we hit the town? Remember how we ended up at Hotel ZaZa?"
"To tell you the truth I don't remember much at all".
"Well that's because I got you tanked. Then I sent you upstairs to your hotel room. In that room I had planted 3 adult models, of which two were female and one was half and half, a kilo of cocaine, two cheerleaders, two packs of Viagra, 4 bottles of Suntory Yamazaki, a duck, a donkey, a king size bed and then you Mr. Jerry freakin' Jones. Let's just say the pictures I got that night would make even Michael Irvin blush".
... ... ...
"What's wrong Jerry, duck got your tongue?"
"How do I even know you're telling the truth?"
"Here Jerry, this is a little sample snap taken just before things started getting... interesting".
"Ok,ok, you win. Set the damn roster. Just keep those photos under-wraps capiche?"
"No problem Jerry".
"Anything else? Are we done?"
"Just one more thing. Well, actually two things. First, I've found one of Tom's old suits in the basement and I've taken quite a shine to it. So I think I'll wear it when I'm at the Ranch at least until people around here start to understand who is running the show now."
"Lord help me, what the hell is happening".
"And the second thing is I'll be taking an Offensive Lineman with the 9th Overall Pick".
... ... ...
Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.
47 comments
|
24 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Glad you got a chuckle my friend.
It’s real late here (4:15am). The crazy things you think of after midnight hey? I’m off for a nap now.
Plausible!!
BRB scientists have reviewed your theory and deemed it plausible. This unfortunately may be the rationale mechanism by which the “Power Struggle” is taking place.
Out freaking standing
Laughed my ass off the whole way through.
We're here to win football games. The way to do that is to tell him and to get on him at the right times. I do that when you guys (media) don't see and watch.''
What else makes a strong leader?
"You win,'' Romo said. "You're a very good leader once you win.
"That's' what we're going to do.''
Awesome stuff man
Rec’d and nominated for FPOTW…..get on it Rabble!!!!
Here’s a theoretical play from 2010: Snap. Tony takes 7 step drop. Tony looks left at Miles, who is doubled, and looks right to where Roy Williams should be…but instead sees Colombo on his back and a Defensive End foaming at the mouth jumping over Marc’s carcass. Tony proceeds to run like hell and look for Witten
-by CotySaxman on Jul 11, 2011 7:50 AM PDT
Am I the most optimistic Cowboys fan in the World? Yes, due to an "unfortunate accident" to the previous holder of the title.
Now, if somebody doesn’t agree with that, that’s cool. I also don’t agree with the fact that I don’t have $10 million in my bank account. But the fact that I don’t agree with it doesn’t make it any less true.
by One.Cool.Customer on Dec 23, 2010 12:00 AM PST
That was the best laugh I have had in a while!!!!!!!!!
You get my Rec’d and every pic matched perfectly………GREAT JOB!!!!!
May the force be with the Star.......... always!!!
Dallas Cowboys football isn't just a game in my house, it is a festive holiday every Sunday!!!!!!!!
I thought it was amusing
and then I got to the last line and LMAO!
Nice Job!
"Confidence doesn't come out of nowhere. It's a result of something... hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication." --Roger Staubach
I had a few laughs over that
"How 'Bout them Cowboys!"---Jimmy Johnson
"...and the Cowboys...STUN the Bills!"--ESPN MNF
Bravo Luke.
Jerry is the end all in Dallas.
perfect pictures for this
that must have taken some time to find the right ones
very funny
Bruce Carter+Sean Lee=BRUCE LEE!!!!
Follow me at my blog
http://chiacrackscowboysblog.wordpress.com/
It took me a lot longer than it should have.
After cutting and pasting the photos, resizing them and then writing the captions I pressed preview only to see it come up without any pictures!? That’s when I remembered you need to use the ‘Inserts’ feature and copy the pictures link in – [Bangs head on desk] – I almost didn’t bother to do it again because I had already closed all the pages where I had got the images from and needed to go find them all again! Hahaha.
LOL
yeah I have done that a few times
I used to be able to just copy and paste right into the page but now you gotta use the insert feature on the right, idk when it changed because you could do it the old way like you did and it worked fine
I learned my lesson too
nice post man
Bruce Carter+Sean Lee=BRUCE LEE!!!!
Follow me at my blog
http://chiacrackscowboysblog.wordpress.com/
by Archie Barberio on Nov 3, 2011 10:46 PM CDT up reply actions
because these pics are perfect dude
the body language and faces are just perfect
really good job man
Bruce Carter+Sean Lee=BRUCE LEE!!!!
Follow me at my blog
http://chiacrackscowboysblog.wordpress.com/
by Archie Barberio on Nov 3, 2011 10:47 PM CDT up reply actions
no doubt
Bruce Carter+Sean Lee=BRUCE LEE!!!!
Follow me at my blog
http://chiacrackscowboysblog.wordpress.com/
by Archie Barberio on Nov 5, 2011 12:51 PM CDT up reply actions
+1
Good one, Luke.
Arnold, almost 5 years of good memories, you'll be missed.
Viva México! Go Cowboys!
lol
a kilo of cocaine</blockquote
Bruce Carter+Sean Lee=BRUCE LEE!!!!
Follow me at my blog
http://chiacrackscowboysblog.wordpress.com/
by Archie Barberio on Nov 3, 2011 11:20 PM CDT reply actions
the best blog post of the year, by far
Any chance Jason could use those photos to sent Jerry Freakin’ Jones into a long over-due retirement?
Galveston Dave
This brought a tear to my eye
from laughing so much…loved the “Shocked” Jerry photo…
Well freaking played.
People at work are looking at me weird
This is so Effin hilarious LOL
Hey Washington... D.C. stands for Dallas Cowboys
Twitter: @silva918
......make even Michael Irvin blush.
That one really got me. I laughed my arse off. Nice job, Luke.
I think we needed a laugh after last week.
Just saw this today and loved it. Well done, Luke.
"Everything is on the One." -- George Clinton, Parliament/Funkadelic
With an improved defense, everything should be on the One.
I would pay good money
To watch JJ read this. Imagine the reaction. Rec’d, do more, the effort put in shows up big time with how well the pictures match the captions, hilarious plot as well.
lol..luke well done !
great pic of JJ with no caption, that blank look of…wth just happened here ..look!
PRICELESS
woman !, don't try to understand em, don't try to make them understand you, for they are a breed apart ! lol
(redskins)= A Tale of 2 owners, bought by Snyder, OWNED by the COWBOYS
Id say RIP Al Davis, but i know your up there drunker than a monkey and clocking angels in the 40 yd dash.
That was so unique and refreshing,
when I got to the end, I didn’t want it to end. I was hoping for more and more. You had me going there for a minute. I’m calling for a sequel.
"....the Cowboy way...." (Head Coach, Jason Garrett)
Wow, I'm a little blown away by all the nice words and recommends.
I’m really stoked to see so many people got a good laugh out of this.
Thanks and cheers to all!
The funniest part of that
is that some people ACTUALLY believe that it is that way, while the truth is, Jerry lets compentent people do their job, and will make “strong” suggestions to ones that dont command respect by way of their “presence” and “intellect”, as in the case of Jimmy and Parcells, and now with Garrett.
But, knowing it was “tounge in cheek”, it was funny.
If the play works, never run it again. If it fails, keep running it.
First and goal at the one. Run it three times in a row, and then kick a field goal. Sound familiar?
Great read...
Err…look :)
Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
"Meanwhile, like a bitter wine, Philadelphia’s jealousy fermented in the dark cellars of pride and resentment. With no playoff hopes of their own, Eagles fans turned towards hating the Cowboys." Steve Sabol, NFL films
Top Notch
Excellent and Rec’d.
"You have to have a stronger belief in yourself than the disbelief of others."
Antonio Ramirez Romo
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Recommended FanPosts
Recent FanPosts
SBNation.com Recent Stories
In Association With
Shutdown Corner - NFL - Yahoo! Sports
- How Kyle Orton almost cost the Colts Andrew Luck
- Detroit Lions DT Nick Fairley arrested again; now has more NFL arrests than NFL sacks
- Former high-school star Brian Banks does serious time on trumped-up charge, now hopes for an NFL shot
- Former ‘idiot kicker’ Mike Vanderjagt in trouble after accosting junior-high heckler
- Adrian Peterson blows teammates away in footraces; appears to be on the mend
