Jason & Jerry


The theorizing about power struggles at Valley Ranch caught my interest. I thought I'd give my take.


My expert analysis is that Jerry only hires coaches that he has incriminating photos of to ensure cooperation. Unfortunately for Jerry this time he was outsmarted.


Jason, being a long time Cowboys employee, and having an inside man deep in the organization for many years (Jason's father Jim) was well aware of Jerry's insurance scheme. Jason knew that Jerry had revealing photos of Jason from the glorious 'White House' years (Jason didn't visit the white house much but when he did he sure made the most of it). But the smiling assassin Jason Garrett had his own plan.

Early 2011...



"Good Morning Jerry".




Jerry looks up from his morning money count;

"Well good morning to you too young man. What can I do for you this morning?"




"Well you can start by cutting the overpaid and under-performing Roy Williams, Marion Barber, Leonard Davis and Marc Colombo".


Jerry hesitates for a moment, then chuckles; "You had me worried there for a second junior, I almost thought you were serious. You're a bit of a live-wire, I better keep my eye on you. Run along now and I'll bring you down the roster later today".




"I'm afraid not Jerry. Things are going to work a little differently from now on. I'm the Head Coach and I'll be doing the roster".




"Did you hit your head son? What the hell are you doing talking this nonsense in my office grinning like an idiot. I'm Jerry freakin' Jones, I captain this ship. Either get on board with what I'm doing or get the hell off!"




"I was hoping it wouldn't come to this Jerry but you leave me no choice. Remember the day I was officially named Head Coach? Remember when we hit the town? Remember how we ended up at Hotel ZaZa?"




"To tell you the truth I don't remember much at all".



"Well that's because I got you tanked. Then I sent you upstairs to your hotel room. In that room I had planted 3 adult models, of which two were female and one was half and half, a kilo of cocaine, two cheerleaders, two packs of Viagra, 4 bottles of Suntory Yamazaki, a duck, a donkey, a king size bed and then you Mr. Jerry freakin' Jones. Let's just say the pictures I got that night would make even Michael Irvin blush".



... ... ...





"What's wrong Jerry, duck got your tongue?"



"How do I even know you're telling the truth?"



"Here Jerry, this is a little sample snap taken just before things started getting... interesting".


"Ok,ok, you win. Set the damn roster. Just keep those photos under-wraps capiche?"




"No problem Jerry".



"Anything else? Are we done?"



"Just one more thing. Well, actually two things. First, I've found one of Tom's old suits in the basement and I've taken quite a shine to it. So I think I'll wear it when I'm at the Ranch at least until people around here start to understand who is running the show now."



"Lord help me, what the hell is happening".



"And the second thing is I'll be taking an Offensive Lineman with the 9th Overall Pick".



... ... ...

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