FanPost

The True Story Behind the Tyron Smith Knee Rumors

I got this from a trusted source hidden deep in the Cowboys upper echelon

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(Jerry Jones office, early this week):

Jerry: Now Rob, lemme get this straight, you gotta a guy can put our defense over the top? Whozit?

Rob Ryan: His name is Aldon Smith, and I can work miracles with him.

Jerry: Smith? Whatthehuh? We already got a Smith coming. Tyree or Lebron or somethin like that.

Jason Garrett: No Jerry, that's Tyron Smith, and we really need him. Our offensive line sucks. And you promised me a tackle. Like, you double-promised.

Jerry: Well, no problem! I like'em both! Het-poot, let's get'em both! Two Smiths! Three, if you still count Emmitt! That's great! Get'em all!

Stephen Jones: Dad, I don't think we can pull that off. We don't have the picks to do it.

Jerry: I can trade! That's what I do! I'm a trader! That's how I roll! Where we gotta trade to?

Stephen: Dad, really, I don't think we can pull it off.

Jerry, Jr: I can do it, Dad! I can prove myself on this one!

Jerry: Who let him in here? Junior, don't you got somethin to do, a new app to download or somethin?

Junior: I know how to do this! I got it! it will work, Dad!

Jerry (head in hands, defeated): Aw, poot. Go ahead, Junior.

Junior: We start a rumor!!

Jerry (head shoots up, eye's ablaze): What! I likit already! Just like with Jimmy! SuperBowls! WhiteHouses! Heck yeah! We're back!

(Long silence. Garrett fidgets. Stephen glares at Junior).

Jerry: What's the rumor?

Junior: That Tyron's got a bad knee. We'll make him slide to the late first. We trade down, snag Aldon at 15, trade back up, take Tyron in the early 20's.

Stephen: You know Dad, as crazy as it sounds, it just might have a chance at working.

Jerry: Dang, Junior, I may have misunderestimated you! You're my boy!

Garrett: Jerry...Carimi or Sherrod would work as well. It's okay if it's not Tyron. I just don't want Tony's collarbones sticking out his ears again.

Jerry: You be quiet, Red!! I've decided! We're double-Smithing this dang draft! Plant that in you pipe, Belichek! (Begins barking out orders).That's it! Junior, you put Operation Meniscus in motion now! I want hourly reports. Jason, draw up some game plans! Rob, I want blitzes! Lots of blitzes! Stephen, raise ticket prices! Somebody get this rumor to Kiper! You all know how smart he is!

Junior: Dad, I can try Kiper, but how about I bring in the big gun?

(All heads swivel towards Junior. Room goes silent. Jerry turns red, begins clenching teeth and fists).

Stephen (cautiously, cutting eyes nervously at Jerry): Junior?...Do you mean...are you really saying...are you sure you want to go there...??

Junior (taking deep breath): Dad...how about...how about I call Jimmy and get his advice on how to go about it?

(Jerry screams then faints).

Jerry (coming to, Ryan applying smelling salts): Junior, you leave him out of it! This is MY time! You try that and you're fired!

Junior: Fired? Really? Like, not part of the Cowboys anymore?

Jerry: No! Fired as a son! You're demoted to nephew, and not even my favorite nephew! Now go do it. I want me some Kiper rumors!

Ryan (quietly to Garrett): You know, I'm outta here after one year. Get a head coaching gig and bye-bye.

Garrett, quietly to Ryan: Got anymore of those smelling salts?

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