'Twas the night before draft day, and all through New York
All good folks were sleeping, Jerruh popped a cork!
The 'Boys fans were snuggled all warm in their beds,
visions of O-linemen dancing in their heads.
The board had been set, many weeks spent hand wringing,
The coaches' deep sleep interrupted by singing.
They tried to ignore, their GM the matter,
but forced from their snores by a scream and a clatter.
Rob and Jesus of red hair bounded out of bed,
To see Jerry lay silent, bleeding from his head.
Mir-co Cro-Cop jumped out of a window,
Stephen swaggered up, puffed with innuendo.
"I'm sorry to do it. After all, he's my dad,
Rob, you've never been through it, believe me, be glad,
With one timely head kick, draft success did perk.
OCC ran the numbers, this is sure to work."
Garrett sneered to the VP, " oh What the HELL, MAN!
We'd already talked, he'd stick to the plan!
Pick up O-line help in the first and the third,
DE in the second, he gave me his word!"
Stephen dropped his head, then with force anew,
Said "Oh boulderdash, take a look around you!
That's Bruno Paillard soaking in the rug,
On the end table, Macallan. A WHOLE JUG!
He was already swapping between Tupac and Styx,
Barely coherent, Pantera in the mix!
God knows what happens, he'd have kept pouring!
He's a machine, he'd last until morning!"
Now Rob had stayed neutral, stroking his beard.
Even compared to Oakland, this shit was just weird.
Calmly he said "It's too late, let's go.
There's no need to sleep, the boss left us his blow."
Wee hours spent toasting, but no Wild Turkey,
They got to the war room, knees all hurky-jurky.
Stephen laughed wildly, good-gamed Ciskowski,
said "We're in it now, my dad, that old louse, he
spent all night drinking, took off with a stripper!
The sad lady looked more like Al than like Tipper!
Oh well, here's to us, the club and the fans!
I knew this would work! Gudamm, I'm the MAN!"
And that's how it went, the change of our culture.
Drastic times, drastic measures, opportunistic vultures.
Like the rest, I care not, long as victory's assured us,
Jerry, unlike his players, still had health insurance.
Should this story become a reality?
Yup, I'm even pitchin' in for Cro-Cop's services... (8 votes)
Yup, but Cro-Cop is a man of the people, he'd do it for free... (12 votes)
Yes, but minus the hookers and blow... (7 votes)
Sorry y'all, I'm not putting up an option where Jerry remains in charge. (13 votes)
40 total votes