Rhodri's 2112-pack Week 3

Yes, it's nigh unto time to totally focus on the improving Detroit Lions, but I think we still have time to pass out a few tasty beverages to them who has earned some.

Wow again. Well, they're never boring, gotta admit that. I'm old and fat and I just don't know if I'm making it through this year. But since we're 2-1, I think I'll make it through a few more games. 

1. The first beer has got to go to Tony Romo, who really is our commander. He gets a Bear Republic (Healdsburg, CA) Red Leader Baltic Porter for his leadership skills. Red Leader, we're all standing by to see where you take us. 

2. So, if Tony Romo plays Wedge Antilles, then Dan Bailey has to be Red Five, otherwise known as Luke Skywalker. 6 for 6, including a game winner following last week's performance suggests that the Force might indeed be with you. Yesterday, the Redskins came in like a Stonefly (Milwaukee, WI) Imperial Star Destroyer Stout, which you handily and easily consumed.

3. Since we're on the topic of special teams, let's talk about the one guy we never have to worry about. He's always reliable. He's like the sidekick who's always there to take care of a hero, and since we're starting with a bit of a Star Wars theme, that means that L.P. Ladouceur gets a John Harvard's (Framingham, MA) Chewbacca IPA. You're so accurate, it's almost like you snap using a bowcaster.

4. Oh, and 6 for 6 needs not only a kicker, and a snapper, but also a holder. And if that holder has a 45+ net average on his punts too, well then he needs to be recognized. Shifting from a Star Wars theme to a commercial one, and since Mat McBriar is Australian for "punting god," he gets a Foster's (Southbank, Australia) Premium Ale. 

5. Alright Hear This. I don't know what Stephen Bowen was doing to Sabotage you. I don't know why the referees, who looked like they were drinking the Brass Monkey all night, let that go (more on them later). I don't know what it will take to Get It Together, though I think it will be fixed. I think you're a good player, Mr. Phil Costa, and you certainly seem like a stand-up dude by appearing on those bastions of silliness known as sports talk radio shows, because if there was ever a Time To Get Ill, that was it. Nevertheless, you have earned a Zero Gravity (Burlington, VT) Ale Communication Imperial IPA, and you'd better fix that communication before Tony Romo goes completely Intergalactic on you.

6. Damn, Felix Jones, it's good to finally see you get going. I especially liked the long run where you started towards the middle and then somehow teleported to the left side of the field and up the sideline. That's one sweet run and it alone earns you a Young's (Bedford, UK) Waggledance Honey Ale. Can't wait to see more of them.

7. Lee-FENSE! Lee-FENSE! Yeah, you're not perfect, as seen by Tim Hightower's touchdown when you probably missed an assignment. So what? An INT, "the" fumble recovery, some great hits, and a your tip-top motor earns you yet another tasty beverage. You are playing like a gale of November, sinking every offense that gets in your way, earning you a Great Lakes (Cleveland, OH) Edmund Fitzgerald Porter (one of the best porters out there, by the way). I suspect, by the time your career is over, church bells are going to ring a lot more than 29 times for each offense you send to the bottom.

8. Chris Cooley called this beer for you, DeMarcus Ware. 9 pressures and a sack? Despite Trent Williams showing his man-love by hugging you repeatedly? Basically, 1 out of every 4 times Rex went back to pass, you were in his face despite Trent's "great game." Yeah, Cooley was right, you're an Avery (Boulder, CO) Beast Grand Cru Belgian Strong Ale.

9. You are doing a fantastic job right now, Anthony Spencer. If you keep this up for a full year, we'll be ecstatic, as well as watching a dominant defense all year long. No, you're not the beast that D-Ware is, but you looked kind of like him on that final play and you're definitely playing well as his bookend, and so you earn a New England (Woodbridge, CT) 668: The Neighbor Of The Beast Belgian Strong Ale.

10. This week we have a guest giver, actually a set of guest givers, the Dallas Cowboys wide receivers, in particular Dez Bryant. They've teamed up to give a Sweetwater (Atlanta, GA) Jack Ass Barleywine to DeAngelo Hall for his consistent ability to help them get open.

11. Finally, I don't usually get caught up in bad calls. Stuff happens periodically, and I think that calls generally even out over a season, but I'm incredibly upset by 3 screwed up personal foul calls/non-calls. Yes, I mean 3. Two you can guess at. One is of course the phantom unnecessary roughness on Alan Ball. That's as proper a hit as one can expect in the NFL. The second is LaRon Landry's non-call on the hit on Laurent Robinson. That's just horrible stuff, but what really turned my stomach happened at the end of the Robinson play. You may not have noticed, but backup NT Chris Nield (Who? Number 95. Who?) stood over the prone body of Robinson and was yelling and taunting and putting his finger in Robinson's face. That's the kind of hit that really can hurt a guy for a long time and that was the epitome of taunting. If Marc Colombo tripping is an unsportsmanlike conduct, coming off of the bench to put your finger in a prone player's face might just qualify too. Horrific and classless, but we're talking about the Redskins and Monday's officials, so yes, I'm being redundant. So, for the officials, your stellar work has earned you a Pabst (Woodridge, IL) Old Milwaukee Light Lager because it just doesn't get any worse than that.

12. Seanrude is right, I should give out a beer from Victory Brewing Company each time we win. This week, I'm going to give something to the visiting team. They came in fat and happy with a 2-0 start to the season, and there's no doubt that the Redskins are better than they have been. Nevertheless, I'm going to say right now that this victory by the Cowboys earns you a Victory (Downingtown, PA) Scarlet Sunset Smoked Beer, because your hopes at winning the division just went down with the sun.

So now we face the Lions before literally limping into the bye week. I'm going to assume that the snap issues will be fixed, and I'm going to also assume that some of the receiver issues will be ironed out. If both of those things are true, then I think the Cowboys can score 24 points or so against the Lions. Furthermore, I think that the Dallas defense will have a bit of a field day. Calvin Johnson will get a big play or two, and one will be a touchdown, and that's not because our CBs are back, but because Megatron and Stafford are good. This will be our 10th close game in a row, but I think we pull it out barely, or should I say Bailey.

Well, that's this week's dozen, and it's off to bed for me after I finish this last beer of the day.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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