Player Rankings For Week Five: Cowboys' Chuck Norris Makes A Power Move

Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

Say It Isn't So! Someone not named DeMarcus Or Tony Is In The Top Two?

That's right; I did it.

I knocked him out of the Top Two and I'm not ashamed!

Look, I'm a huge Tony Romo fan. I'm not one of these schmucks like Joe Theisman that is going to spew nonsensical things about Romo not even being a good quarterback. The fact that he is getting airplay over and over again with NO ONE qualifying him as a diehard former Redskin that never avoids the opportunity to badmouth Dallas infuriates me.

I have not, nor will I probably ever, stopped thinking that Tony Romo has the ability to lead a team to a championship. However, he played a really bad game.

Besides the 3.25 interceptions I thought were his fault (half-fault on first, .75 on the third which I felt was a fumble and full-fault the last two) he had a couple over throws to wide open receivers. He admitted to playing hero ball. He has games like this more than he should and also escapes a handful of games each year that could have played out like this. He has to get better; I pray that he will.

Hopefully, getting knocked down a peg by Chuck Norris will serve as the motivation for the rest of the season. Probably not, but why let that interrupt my inflated sense of self!

Now, obviously, I've been championing the Sean Lee=Chuck Norris meme for quite a while now. I can't help it, I think it's awesome and I enjoy looking for just the right Chuck Norris "fact" each week. Unfortunately, some of the best ones include adult language and I can't use them. Regardless, Chuck is a special, special player. I love the turnovers, but the "Chuck Norris Play of the Day" was when he met Matt Forte in the hole on second and short and just shut the thing down. Sean Lee... this buds for you my man.

Ranking Player Position (LR) Notes
1 DeMarcus Ware OLB 1 5 sacks, 3 FF: projected for the year = defensive MVP. Yet, some ESPN NFC East guy is saying Mychal Kendricks is playing better. LOL, WUT?
2 Sean Lee ILB 3 Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
3 Tony Romo QB 2 Romo isn't to blame for all his picks, he doesn't deserve all of the criticism. He also doesn't deserve all of the "head in the sand" support, either.
4 Miles Austin WR 5 Clearly the second most talented receiver, yet the only one worth trusting at this point.
5 Anthony Spencer OLB 7 This team survived the loss of several defensive starters and still played lock down defense. Until Spencer went out. Doubtful it's coincidence.
6 DeMarco Murray RB 6 According to PFF, Murray had more yards after contact (34), than total rushing yards (24) against Chicago. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot offensive line!
7 Jason Witten TE 13 Witten being back to his normal self for Romo is like Spongebob Squarepants/Patrick reunited happiness.
8 Brandon Carr CB 4 Yikes. Blip on the radar… blip on the radar…
9 Tyron Smith LT 20 What a wasted bounce back game. Held the Chicago DE's in check while the Dept. Of The Interior allowed assaults against the Cowboys most prized natural resource.
10 Dez Bryant WR 8 What do you do when you're most talented player, by far, is a liability?
11 Bruce Carter ILB 9 Bruuuuuuccccceeeeee!
12 Nate Livings LG 10 No debate here; the left is clearly winning while the right is clearly struggling.
13 Jay Ratliff NT 11 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dsQWlf6HUM
14 Jason Hatcher DE 12 Hatcher's pressures on the QB have gone down each successive game. Needs to step it up.
15 John Phillips TE 21 His run blocking has been great in 2012; yet he played eight snaps against the Bears. Huh?
16 Ryan Cook C 22 Decent protection, but was getting collapsed on run plays. Might have been his last start at center.
17 Morris Claiborne CB 17 Notwithstanding the Hester TD, not much to complain about in regards to the rook's overall game. The picks will come.
18 Dan Bailey PK 19 When "Split'Em" is only on the field for two non-kickoffs, the masses are not going to be happy.
19 Mike Jenkins CB 14 Dallas geared up to stop the run and left Jenks on the bench (16 snaps). Gave up a bad seam completion to a TE though.
20 Sean Lissemore DE 16 Another Cowboys DE that was stone-walled in the pass rush by a supposedly sorry o-line.
21 Gerald Sensabaugh SS 18 Recovering. Gotta be. Right? I mean… that's gotta be the explanation for Monday, right? Gerald?
22 Josh Brent NT 25 Run stuffer that just can't do what Rat does. Will stay in rotation however, too good against the run.
23 Kevin Ogletree WR 15 Naw, player. Can't have the ball riccochet off you like a Teflon Don. Not in the red zone, not cool at all.
24 Kyle Orton QB 28 Who said he'd only get action if Romo was hurt? Pride? That counts? OK, carry on.
25 Victor Butler OLB 23 Remember last week when I said that Butler's Run D was improved? Nope? Me neither. Ugh.
26 Orlando Scandrick CB 31
27 Kenyon Coleman DE 26
28 Marcus Spears DE 33
29 Chris Jones P 27
30 Tyrone Crawford DE 30
31 Lawrence Vickers FB 29 What are we paying him for again?
32 Phil Costa C 35
33 Doug Free RT 24 And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, And then we're gonna give him a best friend hug...Dougggg, Dougggg, OHH, Douggg, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug.
34 Danny McCray S 34 22 yards per catch against? Ewww.
35 James Hanna TE 36
36 LP Ladoucer LS 38
37 Mackenzy Bernadeau RG 39 Go away. I'll pay you.
38 Felix Jones RB 40
39 Cole Beasley WR 49
40 Orie Lemon LB 41
41 Dwayne Harris WR 53
42 Brian Moorman P N/A Good job, good effort.
43 Kyle Wilber OLB 50
44 Alex Albright LB 43
45 Matt Johnson SS 44 The ridiculous anticipation for his rookie debut is sooooo set up to fail.
46 Phillip Tanner RB 45
47 Andre Holmes WR 46
48 Jermey Parnell OT 47
49 Dan Connor ILB 48
50 David Arkin OG 51
51 Derrick Dockery OG 52
52 Eric Frampton FS N/A
53
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