Cowboys 2012: 'Twas The Night Before Christmas

Tom Pennington

What better way to celebrate the holidays then with Redskins Week and a little cheer?

Twas the night before Christmas, through the NFC East,
Rivalries renewed on their quest for the Beast .
The standings were packed, with no room to spare,
In hopes that a playoff berth soon would be theirs.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sack dances danced in their heads.
Now Romo’s at the helm, with his turned around cap,
Finding Dez on a go route, he’s the X Factor, Jack.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my stupor to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like an Eagle,
Meaning I fell flat on my face in a 2011 sequel.

The fans up in Philly were ready for snow
Grown tired of Fake Santa, please Andy, just go.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
I can’t tell you, I just downed my third six-pack of beer.

I think that’s Jerry Jones, with a salesmanesque shtick
So slick, could sell land at the North Pole to St. Nick.
No reindeers in sight, had just one backseat driver,
Trying his best to emulate, it’s Lil’ Dan Snyder!

"No M.Vick! No DeSean! No Eli! Who’s missing?
No Shady! No Osi! Well then who’ll do the... snitching?
To the top of the standings! We bested them all!
Screw you, Mara!" they both screamed while grabbing their... jaws.

But Christmas is a time for joyful celebration,
And Cowboys fans united across cities and nations.
So up to the house-tops the coursers they flew,
To prepare for a clash as true warriors do.

At a strong disadvantage was poor Mr. Snyder,
As Jerry was single-malted and more fried than Ore Ida.
As he drew in his head, and started turning around,
"I’ll match you star for star," pouring another to down.

"I’ll give you Bob Griffin with a knee oh so gimpy,
And take Romo with a line both offensive and wimpy."
Snyder replied, "Well your Demarco can’t hold onto the ball"
To which Jerry said, "You’re covering Dez with DeAngelo Hall!"

"A fools mission you’re on! Dontcha know I’m Jerry?!"
By this time he’s so housed his nose lit up like a cherry!
"My coach is a genius, this our fanboys will parrot,
Yours fake-tans til he looks like a fistful of carrots!"

"This rivalry’s ours, 62 wins on the shelf,
It’s domination, like S&M, as in in Spite of Myself!"
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He might’a pissed himself, Ol' Jerry keeps shaking one leg.

"DeMarcus rules," Jerry muttered, "So freakin’ awesome,"
Then a tangent, "tole’ya I could do it without Jimmy Johnson."
And with that b-line Lil’ Danny knew Jerry was drunk,
He tried slyly to retrieve secret weapon from trunk!

But Jerry sprang to clarity, to his team gave a whistle,
Cowboys attacked with the accuracy of heat-seeking missiles.
The Skins are getting knocked out, from playoffs and fight,
"So Merry Christmas, BTB, may you have a good-night!"

If you'd like to look back at the 2010 "Night Before Christmas" click here.
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