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The Definitive Cowboys Season Prediction

I know it’s early but I’ll attempt to predict the record of our beloved Cowboys for this upcoming season.

Lest you think that I’m some half-baked self-professed psychic, I’d like to draw your attention to my previously prescient efforts at prognostication.

Last year I picked the Boys to lose in the Super Bowl to the San Diego Chargers. The previous year I had them beating the San Diego Chargers in the Super Bowl for our 6th bling.

Now I know I was a little off and in retrospect I can see that my predictions bordered on lunacy. I mean really, who ever picks San Diego to go to the Super Bowl right?

This is what I really believe will happen. No really. My track record speaks for itself. Jump with me…

Game

Score

Record

Notes

DAL @ NYG

23-17

1-0

Our D harasses Eli into 3 INT’s. And a last minute completion to Austin seals it.

DAL @ SEA

33-10

2-0

Dez breaks out for 202 yds and 3TD’s in a rout. Forced into holding after an injury to McBriar, Romo scampers for a TD on a fake FG attempt.

TB @ DAL

13-16

3-0

A defensive struggle but a late field goal wins it.

CHI @ DAL

30-31

4-0

A shootout and a last second victory on a catch by that most mythical of creatures, the 3rd WR.

DAL @ BAL

16-17

4-1

Ray Rice rips off a run of 94yds in the final minute for a TD.

DAL @ CAR

24-17

5-1

Our D confounds Cam who leads Carolina in rushing yards.

NYG @ DAL

38-35

5-2

We never beat NY at home. A blocked last second field goal by Bruce Carter would’ve sent the game to OT but JG had called timeout forcing a re-kick.

DAL @ ATL

17-33

5-3

Matty Ice, the only overrated QB on the field, comes up big.

DAL @ PHI

27-31

5-4

A close game but our D is doggone tired in the 4th and we know how dogs fare in Vick’s house.

CLE @ DAL

10-42

6-4

Rob Ryan puts on a clinic in game-planning a rookie QB.

WAS @ DAL

13-31

7-4

See Carolina above: insert RGIII for Cam and WAS for CAR

PHI @ DAL

10-42

8-4

A cathartic victory for the Boys. Vick is seen hounding our 3rd string RB for an autograph.

DAL @ CIN

20-17

9-4

We’re on a roll here as CIN bungles a late FG attempt as time expires

PIT @ DAL

10-27

10-4

Roethlisberger inexplicably throws two INT’s at Cowboys corners.

NO @ DAL

31-27

10-5

Only our 2nd home loss of the year. DWare suffers a freak injury when he trips over a roll of Bounty in the locker-room @ halftime. Anthony Spencer almost gets there in time to save Ware from falling.

DAL @ WAS

17-13

11-5

A gritty win against a tough WAS team in spite of 3 fumble recoveries by Stephen Bowen on botched shotgun snaps.

Wild Card:
ATL @ DAL

17-33

W

Matty Ice freezes like a deer in the headlights to a relentless pass rush

Divisional:
DAL @ GB

21-20

W

On a frozen field, our DL and LB’s stop a QB sneak by Rodgers as time expires.

Conference:
DAL @ SF

30-20

W

A huge, late pass to Jesse Holley, a mid-season pickup, sends our Boys comfortably on their way to the big one.

SB XLVII:
SD @ DAL

0-57

W

An easy, record breaking victory in the Big Easy as Antonio Ramiro Romo instantly loses 500 lbs of gorilla off his back.

As you can see, I have been reformed. I’ve learned my lesson. Never again will the Boys lose a Super Bowl to the Chargers. Not while I’m alive.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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