FanPost

NEWS FROM CAMP (#1 and #2)

After suggestions on my INSIDE INFO series from camp to be posted as a Fan Shot, I offer my brethren and sistren on BtB the first two editions of the series here. I will also be posting other daily updates as Fan Posts as well. Thank y'all kindly for all the Rec's. I appreciate them. As always, I am recieving constant news from Camp and will happily share the nuggets of information I get.

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NEWS FROM CAMP #1

The coaching staff thinks DeMarcus Ware might have a future in the NFL.

Tyrone Crawford skipped the first practice to watch the Canadian Women’s Curling team compete against Ireland in the Olympics.

Rob Ryan told the defense he once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Andre Holmes has sworn off marathons for good, but still refuses to let his picture be taken.

OCC confirmed that the Cheerleaders do, indeed, go commando at training camp.

Tom Ryle was just stopped by state troopers doing 97 in a 35 in a 1989 Chevy Astro Van halfway to Oxnard upon hearing the above report from OCC.

Tom requests donations to help with his bail at the Tonopah NV, city jail. He is charged with excessive speed, reckless endangerment, driving an unsafe vehicle, resisting arrest, and public nudity.

Bill Callahan was once a roadie for Culture Club in 1985.

Jerry Jones is in negotiations to buy the IFL "Allen Wranglers" and change the team name to the "Jones Glory-Holers of Allen." The deal is contingent upon being able to cut T.O. once again from the team.

Tony Romo has begun wearing plaid fedora hats in an attempt to be a better leader after visiting a psychic who channeled the ghost of Tom Landry.

Lumpy single-handedly bankrupted a Pancho’s Mexican Buffet in Ft. Worth over the weekend while "eating away his pain" waiting for a team to sign him.

Eli Manning’s offseason sex-change operation has been deemed a success by both the team trainers and Osi Umenyora. He is cleared for practice now.

Ron Leary is still angry.

Some guy named Nagy hurt something.

Tom Ryle needs any spare change you can scrounge up to get him out of the pokey and to Oxnard.

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NEWS FROM CAMP #2

Sean Lee brought 25 pounds of Rattlesnake Jerky to camp to snack on.

OCC has been scoring lots of free drinks around the Oxnard area by pretending to be the lead singer of The Scorpions.

Marcus Spears has been crocheting a sweater for his Mom in his down-time.

Jerry Jones got drunk at a Karaoke bar, sang "I Like Big Butts" by Sir Mix-a-Lot, then threw up on several members of his entourage as they were trying to carry him out.

Jason Witten has been walking the halls of the team hotel at night wearing silk pajamas, a Hugh Hefner red smoking jacket, blowing bubbles from a toy pipe and asking teammates to pose for pics. The team is beginning to get concerned.

The pictures of John Philips are said to be spectacular however, and Witten really captured his softer side.

Tom Ryle was finally able to post bail and expects to arrive at camp this evening. He was last seen recklessly driving a 1983 Ford Pinto somewhere between Tonopah and Carson City with a wild-eyed look in his eyes. Please pray for him.

Spaulding hijacked the P.A. system during yesterday’s afternoon practice and has been grounded to his room indefinitely after playing Justin Bieber at full-blast.

Rex Ryan was spotted by Hollywood talent scouts this morning and offered the lead role in the upcoming Grizzly Adams movie. Lumpy has been offered the role of "Ben" the pet bear.

Although "Elisha" Manning’s offseason sex-change operation was successful, the hormone therapy has proven to be a challenge for both Manning and the team. The equipment managers have had to borrow shoulder pads from the Lingerie Football League and Manning has been crying inconsolably after Osi Umenyora said his practice pants made his butt look big.

Ron Leary is still angry.

Some guy named Nagy hurt something.

Tom Ryle just had an APB posted by the Oxnard Police Department and is now attempting to change vehicles and procure a disguise. Details as they emerge….

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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