1. I think it's fairly clear that...
A win is a win is a win. Now that the platitudes are done, that game drove me to drink (during the game was the O'Fallon 5-day IPA). Follow past the link for the beverages earned this week by our division-leading Dallas Cowboys.
Whoops, I just got whistled for starting early. I'm going to move my laptop 5 yards back and start again.
Let me try that again. I think it's... What? My pinky moved before the appetizer? Grumble. OK, so I'm now 5 yards further back and any more false starts will be half the distance to the Schlafly Taproom's kitchen.
Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes, talking about false starts. The offensive line absolutely owes Tony Romo a beer. Sadly, what they gave him was a 6-pack of Rogue (Newport, OR) False Start Brown India Pale Ale. That's a great beer, but please can we not drink any more for a while?
2. Now, I'm not saying that we need to bench Jason Witten, but I would like to see his playing time reduced. Jonathan Bales of Dallas Cowboys Times has pointed out how tight ends often fall off the edge of a cliff at 30-31 or so, which is exactly Witten's age. I don't know if this poor play is the result of the spleen, time's inevitable toll, or something else, but we've all painfully seen this year's struggles. He's probably in everyone's top three of favorite current Cowboys, and he's an amazing man, but I'd like to see more of James Hanna and John Phillips. In fact, I'm giving them a Brouwerij 't Koelschip (Almere, Netherlands) Start The Future Eisbock. At the very least, it would give Witten a chance to really focus on the plays that he is in on and let him conserve energy for when we need the future Hall-of-Famer.
3. Schlafly is a very nice brewery in St. Louis. When you get a Schlafly brew, you can be sure of a solid quality beer at the very least, a choice that be it a wheat, a pale, a porter, or whatever is at least a good, and sometimes a brilliant, example of the style. In its own way, Schlafly is taken for granted because it always performs well. In much the same way, I think we overlook Miles Austin. When he's on the field, he gives great production but we sort of take that for granted. For him, and his sort of under-the-radar 5 for 107 performance, he gets one of my all-time favorite day-to-day drinking beers, a Schlafly (St. Louis, MO) American Pale Ale.
4. Really, Dez Bryant? Really? You get 44 yards and can't get by the punter? OK, I guess I'm getting greedy and thanks for putting us in position for the game-clinching field goal, but still... In this case, one good trip deserves a New Belgium (Fort Collins, CO) The Trip III (Dark Sour Blend) Flander Oud Bruin.
5. Well, ummmm...., I guess there's not much left to give to the offense, so the next 8 beers will again go to the defense. Might as well start at the top with Rob Ryan. Despite cutting his hair, he reminds me of a powerful Norse leader like Rurikr who founded Kievan Rus that was the root of modern Russia or Hrolfr whose raids along the Seine prompted the French to just give him the northern province that was soon named Normandy for the northmen that inhabited it. Let's just keep this simple and give him the title he would have had in the 9th century when he was sailing up the Thames, or the Seine, or raiding Dublin, or founding Novgorod or whatever he would have done. He gets a Fyne Ales (Cairndow, Argyll, Scotland, UK) Jarl American Blonde Ale for raiding along the Trinity River.
6. Ho, hum. Another couple of sacks for DeMarcus. Yawn, they forced fumbles. Soooooo normal. Sadly, what is also normal is DeMarcus's penchant for penalties. Since you insist on giving the offense extra yards here and there, the least you could do is your defense some extra yards too. In this case, a 12-pack of yards, err... Yards (Philadelphia, PA) Karma Factor Belgian India Pale Ale for every penalty.
7. OK, from another favorite brewery, this one in Oxfordshire, to another player who is probably listed at some point in just about everyone's top three favorite players. Wychwood's (Witney, Oxfordshire, UK) Hobgoblin Extra Special Bitter is a nice tasty beer that you can drink for a while and just appreciate for hours. One warning, only purchase it in 500ml brown bottles because it will go bad quickly. But for Sean Lee, only the best, four straight from the brewery bottles of Hobgoblin to celebrate your evolution into a almost mythical creature that the offense has to defeat to succeed.
8. Sigh. We were so pleased with your progress, Barry Church. Yes, we were ecstatic to see solid safety play after so many struggles back there, but you have paid your dues and worked your tail off and we were rooting for you as a person as well. Whatever else happens, we want you back, so here's a Backcountry (Frisco, CO) Fix Your Heel American Imperial India Pale Ale. This is a bitter, bitter beer from a bitter, bitter man who loves IPAs but hates the bitter, bitter injury to you and your career.
9. After that, it's time for the next man up. Which means it's time for a Swashbuckler (Manheim, PA) Danny Boy Dunkelweizen for Danny McCray. I'm sure you Feel Like We Do about Church's Achilles, but Peter..., er... I mean Eric Frampton will at least spell you on special teams.
10. Bruuuuuuuuce. No, not Bruce Springsteen who I find boring and trite. Nevertheless, Bruce Carter, you were totally Born To Run to the ballcarrier. I shudder to think how many points we'd have given up with Bradie and Keith, though they are two people I think I'd really respect and appreciate if I actually knew them. You are not run of the mill, but you get a Run Of The Mill (Saco, ME) Impact Pale Ale for the impact you've had on this defense.
11. So for the third weekend in a row, I'm giving a beer to Anthony Spencer. Team lead in tackles with 7, a tackle for loss, a QB hit, and there was Sean Lee's interception that his presence likely contributed to. You're still a figure that we sadly can't really appreciate, so you get a beer for your play that suits the ambiguity of the fan base. Here's a Big Boss (Raleigh, NC) Big Stinky India Pale Ale. Again, it's a bitter, bitter beer from a man who is bitter, bitter about a lot of things other than your level of play.
12. The last beer will be difficult to give. In fact, it rends my soul. It especially rends my soul that I must give a whole passel of 2-4s to this particular recipient. However, every member of the Green Bay Packers, coaches, players, staff, and family deserves and probably needs a beer after that call. And while we're at it, just shut up Golden Tate. But for now, here's a truckload of Calfkiller (Sparta, TN) Sergio's Ole Evil-Ass Devil Bullshit American Pale Wheat Ale for the Packers extended team.
By the way, if you disagree with my decisions, I and the 8 Schlafly cask-pulled India Brown Ales I drank while writing this Fanpost don't really care :)