FanPost

Life of a Cowboy fan.

The following is a day in the life of a Cowboy fan. Or at least a short period after the Green Bay game.

Come off the ledge, Dad

The Cowboys were up 26-3, moving the ball at will and completely dominating on defense. Déjà vu. The Cowboys are the only team in the league where fans get depressed when they are up by 20.

Come off the ledge, Dad

What do you do at halftime to screw that up? I can see it now. In the defense room, the coaches decide, "We are stopping them, now what". Another coach answers, we need to use the SLUT defense or "give it away" defense. We give them easy scores (haha, get it SLUT defense). The design of the SLUT is to let the offense score. Now, you want a little dignity. So you force them to run a few plays then score. Sort of like your date making you take her to a chick flick.

Come off the ledge, Dad

Of course the SLUT defense is not enough. It took the Cowboys one half to get a 23 point lead. It will take at least a half to undo it. Now, the Cowboys being good hosts, did not completely blow out the Packers in the first half. They had five field goals, where they should have had at least 2 touchdowns. But, hey, Miss Manners always says to be a gracious host.

Anyway, what’s an offense to do? OK, here’s the plan. We use the "Deer in the Headlights" offense. We’re running all over them in the first half. Well cut out that crap. No more running. It’s rude. Also, only high risk, little reward passes. We run out the clock and win this thing, then people will be expecting us to win every single Sunday. Just stare blankly and curse after every 3 and out. "Dear in the Headlights" offense, baby. The Cowboys have worked that to perfection the last few years. Of course, Romo almost screwed that in the Denver game. The idiot showed what the Cowboys could do. At least on offense. They had the SLUT defense working to perfection against the Broncos.

Come off the ledge, Dad

Cowboys’ fans are on suicide watch in Texas. We need grief counselors.

Me: "Hi, my name is John and I’m a Cowboys fan."

Counselor: "Oh, I’m so sorry... That will be $100."

Or an 800 number. Well there’s next week.

Come off the ledge, Dad.

I’m on the first floor, you idiots.

Oh, can we get Pizza?

Yea, whatever.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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