Do not read Bigham-Open Thread

Since I've become a member of BTB's I have reduced the amount of time I spend at other sports sites. I love BTB! I also love the community that has been built by Dave and others who are involved. This community I believe is cherished by each member who comes here to get their daily fix of Cowboys news. We are a vibrant community that mirrors the community we call America!

Jerry Jones is a volatile character that induces fantastic debate along with everything else that happens to our beloved Cowboys!

I love the debates here and find myself at times leaning towards both sides, the Kool Aid drinkers and the Snickers crowd. The BTB staff is continually making updates to satisfy our hunger for Cowboy news and also updating the technology to make our experience even better. Two of the most recent changes are collapsible threads (bigham take note) and editable comments (hooray).

I feel like I've gotten to know some of the people here and I wish to do a parody involving some of those. I know bigham won't like that but bigham doesn't have to read this hence the title (I know sneaky isn't it maybe even underhanded). I write these words with the sincerest intent to have the community laugh a little and to reflect a little because LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE SERIOUS ALL THE TIME. If your name is mentioned please take no offense because no offense was intended it was more of a form of flattery because you have left an imprint in my life.

The characters in my story are as follows: the principal played by bigham. How many times has he said 'fanshot' or said 'off topic'. He is the unofficial 'principal' of BTB. The school teacher is played by Ms. Rena because she has schooled me and others on our stupid comments about the, especially me. Last but not least the school boy is played by Hawkeye who I get the sense was a prankster and joker in school. With that being said here is the story.

A first-grade teacher, Ms.Rena was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Hawkeye, what's your problem?"

Hawkeye answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Rena had had enough. She took Hawkeye to the principal's office.

While Hawkeye waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Rena he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Hawkeye was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Bigham: "What is 3 x 3?"

Hawkeye: "9."

Bigham: "What is 6 x 6?"

Hawkeye: "36."

And so it went with every question Bigham thought a 3rd grader should know.

Bigham looks at Ms. Rena and tells her, "I think Hawkeye can go to the 3rd grade"

Ms. Rena says to Bigham, "Let me ask him some questions."

Bigham and Hawkeye both agreed.

Ms. Rena asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Hawkeye, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Rena: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

Bigham wondered why would she ask such a question!

Hawkeye replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Rena: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Hawkeye: "Pants."

Ms. Rena: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Hawkeye: "Coconut."

Bigham sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Rena: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Bigham's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Hawkeye replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Rena: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Hawkeye: "Shake hands."

Bigham was trembling.

Ms. Rena: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Hawkeye: "Firetruck."

Bigham breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Hawkeye in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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