Today I listened (link posted at the end) to Jerry Jones and Jason Garrett speak during their press conference marking the beginning of training camp in 2013 for the Dallas Football Cowboys. (Why would Jason call them that! It drives me CRAZY) Anyway, at 47 seconds into Jerry's opening statement he went off into an incoherent ramble about there being a lot of talk during this past off season. For a full fifty seconds I could not for the life of me figure out what Jerry was speaking about. That is, his talk about all the talk during the off season made me feel that there was no way anybody was gonna make any progress with this football team as long as Jerry was doing ANY talking. I became depressed and despondent. So, I ate dinner and then I felt better. I listened to the press conference opening again, and now I will present to you what Jerry said, and I will interpret it for you. My qualifications for doing this are as follows: I have had four kids and have watched them learn to speak. And I have managed many people and have listened to them try and make things sound different or better than they actually were. With no further ado, let's dig in and I will help you understand what all the talk about all the talk was about.
Again, beginning at 47 seconds into the press conference, Jerry Jones is speaking:
This off season has been filled with a lot of talk uuuhhhh, its been more than talk from within the organization. Uuuhhhh, it's now time to get down to business though. And some of the very things that have been talked about are some of the very things that we've executed on and done, put uh such an emphasis on the work that we're going to be doing out here. Uhhhhh, I'm sure Jason will address this, but our extra time is precious to us, gives us a great chance uuhhh to get a lot of the things that we need to do, relative to um some of the things we've been talking about in the off season. We like our team! We like our coaching staff!
Let's take it one little bit at a time.
This off season has been filled with a lot of talk uuuhhhh, its been more than talk from within the organization. Uuuhhhh, it's now time to get down to business though.
(Jerry says that there has been enough talk. They have even been talking about some things within the organization. Some of the things they have been talking about they are now going to do. The reason that they are going to do some things is that in the organization there has been more than just talking going on.)
And some of the very things that have been talked about are some of the very things that we've executed on and done, put uh such an emphasis on the work that we're going to be doing out here.
(Here is the big problem with Jerry. He just needs to write down what he wants to say to open a press conference like this and then read it. This would also prevent all future references to glory holes. Jerry says here that some of the things the organization has been talking about, they have done. But he doesn't say they have done these things. He says they have "executed on" those things. I am not sure what that means, but I don't think he is talking about hanging anybody. Also, beyond executing on things that have been talked about, the Cowboys organization has also done things. And they have put an emphasis on the work that they are going to be doing in Oxnard.)
Uhhhhh, I'm sure Jason will address this, but our extra time is precious to us, gives us a great chance uuhhh to get a lot of the things that we need to do, relative to um some of the things we've been talking about in the off season.
(Since the Cowboys play an extra preseason game, they have extra practice time this preseason. Therefore, they will have a great chance to do what needs to be done in order to do some of the things that the organization has been talking about during the off season.)
At this point, Jerry has a moment of clarity, his mind lands back in Oxnard and he says very succinctly:
We like our team!
We like our coaching staff!
From this point, Jerry is much more coherent and much less annoying, except for his heavy breathing into the microphone while Jason Garrett is speaking. (What the heck was that about.)
For the sake of clarity, I want to rewrite what Jerry said in one simple paragraph using my own words:
This past off season has been filled with a lot of talk. All you morons in the media have no idea what's going on. We have had lots of very important conversations at Valley Ranch and we have developed a plan for 2013. The time for planning and talking is finally over and we are gonna get to work and develop a very good football team. Jason will probably mention that we have extra time this preseason and we are glad of it. We are going to be as prepared as we can be to do everything that we have talked about to make the 2013 Dallas Cowboys a very successful football team. I like our team, I like our coaching staff.
Cheers! Let the talk continue. And the executions.