In a somewhat surprising and uncharacteristic display of fiscal awareness, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has announced that the Cowboys have decided to sever their relationship with Miles Austin. The decision was made despite the salary cap hit of a possible $10 million for 2013 and even though Austin was actually able to walk on to the practice field without straining his hamstrings for four consecutive days of practice.
When asked to explain, Jerry responded, "As an organization, we feel that Miles Austin is ground zero for leg injuries and any of our players who come within reasonable proximity of him is in danger of suffering a leg, knee, or foot injury. I might give as examples: Bernadeau, Livings, Ratliff, Spencer, Hanna, Crawford, Ladoceur, Cole, Leary, Parnell, and Igbinosun. And I just got a message that Johnson will miss practice due to cramping. Cramping? Are we talking about a football player here or a cheerleader? It's enough to drive me to drink!"
He went on to explain that the coaches feel that there is a danger of not being able to put 22 football players on the field against the Giants on September 8 if Austin remains with the team and his teammates continue to drop like flies. Jones was immediately asked how Head Coach Jason Garrett felt about the decision.
Garrett addressed the issue.
Jason explained, "We feel that Miles Austin is the Typhoid Mary of leg injuries for football players. As such, having him around the rest of the team endangers the future of the Dallas Cowboys as a viable football entity. Plus, he has no clue who Pythagoras was, let alone his theorems. Therefore, in the best interests of the team, I feel the process requires us to bite the financial bullet and release him. I wish him success wherever he goes, and hopefully the Eagles, Redskins, or Giants sign him."
So there you have Cowboys Nation. The answer to our injury problems. I wish it would be that simple!
TIC = Tongue In Cheek.