Never really been one for making predictions. There always seems to be an inordinate amount of anxiety when I put my opinions on the line. Not a fan of looking stupid. If the crystal ball is wrong, I look stupid. If the crystal ball is right, I strut around like Louie Anderson after polishing off the buffet at Golden Corral ( I'm a lousy winner ). Again, looking stupid. You might have noticed I look stupid quite a bit. Thanks, Dad. Calling me dumbass for 18 years really paid dividends. And a special shoutout to the ex-wife.....Kudos, sweetie. No one ever made me look dumber. Sigh.
There's gonna be a plethora of fanposts popping up this week with predictions for the upcoming season. Each one will give reasons why the Boys will be either good or bad, or both. Some of these posters will be more optimistic than others. And some you may want to punch in the weiner for their downright pessimism. Unless the poster is Frenchie, than you just punch her in the love-bucket. Don't worry, she gets that all the time.
I could give you guys my predictions for what the 2013 season has in store for the Dallas Cowboys. But honestly, what would be the point. I'm a fan, like everyone here. However, that's as far as my expertise goes. Any guesses I might pose would be just that.....guesses. And like I said before, I have an aversion to looking stupid. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. But, no. It still gets to me. So, to avoid the ridicule I'd surely receive, I'll refrain from voicing my belief that the Cowboys will go 19-0. Dammit! OK, it's out there now. Rake me over the coals and staple my toolbag to the ceiling. I accept my punishment. Can't help feeling good about this team. Hope keeps us young. Every time a new season begins, my inner kid takes over. I choose to embrace the feeling. I'm funny that way.
I'm also funny about something else. Blogging the Boys. Where do we go to get our fix of Dallas news? BTB. Where do we go to share our opinions? BTB. Where do we go for the companionship of other lovers of the Star? BTB. Where do we go to vent and release the stress of our everyday lives? Well, sometimes I hit Tokyo Sunrise on the way home. A little out of the way massage parl..... Uh, right again. BTB.
So, with all this in mind, it's only right I feel more comfortable predicting with a bit more accuracy what the future holds for us at BTB. Below I've laid out what I think the next several months holds for our little corner of the interweb. Enjoy.
At some point during the 2013 NFL season.....
.....someone on BTB will whine about being shouted down by Kool-Aid drinkers.
.....someone on BTB will whine about being called a "Kool-Aid drinker".
.....OCC will say something intelligent. FYI, reminding me of the number of screen names I have doesn't qualify.
.....KD will endure cracks about his hair in the threads of his video chats.
.....Tom will be reminded to NOT endorse any player whatsoever. Forcing him to threaten the use of the goatmouth.
.....Archie will have the 'Chia Crack' tattoo surgically removed from his butt.
.....Rabble reaches #1 on Jerry's hit list. Assassins are hired.
.....Coty enlists his Ronin brethren to watch Rabble's back.
.....Joey will draw a diagram.
.....Terry will say something complimentary about Romo.
.....and Norm will give him crap about it.
.....Jed will post a photo of a cat. Prompting someone else to "craftily" reference a part of the female anatomy. I apologize beforehand.
.....TX will pour himself a drink. Surprise.
.....Rome will remind us how much the Eagles suck.
.....Skinny will pine for 4 downs of football. Screw the punt. Or is that punter?
.....I will make Fernie laugh.
.....Dunkman will make me laugh.
.....Paul will violate Bruce Carter's restraining order and get caught in the linebacker's house dancing naked in ballerina slippers.
.....Antonio will bail him out of jail.
.....Poo will spend the night in Mo's locker, drawing pictures of their fantasy wedding on the walls with blue and silver lipstick.
.....Jesse will bail him out of jail.
.....Nick throws a birthday party for Arkin. Jumps out of the cake himself, dressed like Barbara Eden's Jeannie. Arkin is touched. No charges are filed.
.....NYHorn will get macked.
.....Scarlet gets caught wearing a pair of Big Blue underwear.
.....pfloyd wakes from a Dark Side Of The Moon-induced nightmare dressed as Ace Frehley. Feels liberated and embraces the make-up.
.....Lonewolf gets rabies.
.....and Omaha puts him down with a silver bullet.
.....Califan will be baffled by sarcasm.
.....Burma will call BS. Over, and over, and over again.
.....Tans will confuse the hell out of some newb.
.....Aaron changes his screen name to War Pigs after Justin Beiber remakes the Sabbath classic 'Ironman'.
.....Dr.P will post a 10,000 word response to a 'yes or no' question.
.....Rena will remind someone of community guidelines. Then crush their manhood with the banhammer.
.....Blings will claim to win an argument. Even if he wasn't in one.
.....Dirk will make us all feel stupid. I'm used to the feeling, but the rest of you may be a bit taken back.
.....Dire will fire up a blunt and say a bad word.
.....someone will yell "CONN!!!!!" out of blind frustration.
.....Howley will use the 'shift' button on his keyboard.
.....Ocelot posts a picture that has nothing to do with video games. I know, right?
.....Keg will get a double hernia. It was only a matter of time. Those things are heavy.
.....Scott will pose a question. Super Bowl or busts? I choose both.
.....Ham will type Fans...C'mon, guys. Do I really need to say it?
.....France will revoke Gabriel's citizenship for being too French. Apparently they have standards. Who woulda thought?
.....Dawn will continue to blow up the Fanpost section. Until she's asked to blow up the front page. Dave, the ball's in your court.
.....Moses gets his Butterball for "Best Fanposter" taken away. Step it up, scooter.
.....RKO will publicly acknowledge he's actually Rosie O'Donnell. I called it.
.....Birddog's head will finally explode. Too much knowledge in an enclosed space.
.....Ispeakredneck really does speak redneck. He must, I understand him.
.....Larry quits teaching and opens a "Realist Nudist Beach" for the Kool-Aid challenged.
.....ol nasty reveals he's nasty because he grew up in the bottom bunk under Paul. Midnight burritos. 'Nuff said.
.....Mr. Halprin has a nervous breakdown and spends the rest of his days in a monastery making key chains out of his back hair.
And finally.....Yellowbeard will continue to sit back and observe, thanking the fates that he stumbled into this little slice of heaven known as Blogging the Boys.
Thanks to you all.