Editor's note: This evolved from a comment I wrote in OCC's latest news post (9/10/13). Credit goes to Bermystar for inspiration in regards to this fanpost.
Howdy Cowboys fans. I have gone to the future. All the way to December 30, 2013 and saw what happened to the New York Football Giants. The big news is that the Giants were really bad this season. How bad were they? Let's say Rex Ryan saved his job in contrast to the other New York team. Yes, the Cowboys do make the playoffs, but this is all about the Giants and how they fared.
We start with Week one of the Regular season.
"Ah, a brand new season," say the Giants, "We will march into Dallas and destroy the Cowboys."
With Eli at the helm, the Giants will destroy their defense, create a few turnovers, and contain Dez Bryant. Wait, We have six turnovers against those bleeps and lost?
Big Blue Morning: Giants start 0-1
At the very least we have the Denver Broncos next. What? You say that Big brother beats little brother again? Even with Little brother's two Super Bowls?
Giants start 0-2.
At least the Carolina Panthers are next. What’s that? Cam Newton has a slightly better team this year?
Giants start 0-3.
At the very least, we can give Andy Reid a fat lip. Wait a minute?
Giants start 0-4.
Nothing a folly vs Chip Kelly can’t cure? Wait a darn minute?
Giants start 0-5.
At least the Bears will be a pushover. What’s this? They have a better offense despite their 2-3 record?
Giants start 0-6
Well, we have Minnesota in our house on the coldest night of the fall so far and it will be a preview of us hosting the Super Bowl despite posting a 10-6 regular season record. What do you mean by this? Adrian Peterson ran for how many yards against our defense? 310?
Giants start 0-7
At least, Philadelphia will have their letdown game vs us. What’s that, Michael Vick can run for yards too?
Giants go into their Week 9 bye with a 0-8 record.
At the very least, We have Oakland on our schedule. What’s that, you mean that this game isn’t played on paper like Chris Berman says it is?
Giants are 0-9 after 10 weeks and out of the playoffs.
At least, that Green Bay defense is a pushover. What’s that? They have somebody named Aaron Rodgers and he threw for 400 yards and six touchdowns against us and their defense shut us out?
After 11 Weeks the Giants are going into their rematch with the Cowboys with a 0-10 record.
It’s those bleeping Cowboys, they started all of this. What do you mean that our quarterback doesn’t have Direct TV?
Giants are 0-11 following the Week 12 loss to Dallas.
Okay, Washington minus RGIII will finally get us a win. What’s that? Kirk Cousins is a better quarterback?
Can’t believe this, Giants are 0-12 after 13 weeks.
Calm down Giants, you can get a win in San Diego. What’s that, the Chargers are a much better team and are 3-0 vs the NFC East?
Rats, we are 0-13 after 14 weeks.
All Right, Seattle’s a tough team but we have something to play for yet this regular season. What’s that, we finally win a game just when we were going to win the rights to Clowney?
I don’t want this, Giants are 1-13 after 15 Weeks.
Well, we will lose to Detroit, they are playing for the NFC North division. What is this now? The Lions decide to sit out all their best players after clenching the division thanks to a Minnesota loss to Cincinnati?
Giants are 2-13 after 16 Weeks and are out of the running for Clowney but so are other NFL Teams since he decided to play his senior season.
Life isn’t worth living, so we are going to lay down to the Washington Redskins who will finally fire Shanny after Week 17. What’s this? Tom Coughlin quits the team before the game and we Win with our 4th round pick?
Giants finish the season 3-13.
Postmortem: The Giants basically trade Eli Manning to Minnesota, for draft picks and sign Les Miles as their next head coach.
There you have it. This is the entire season in a nutshell for the New York Giants. I was busy enjoying the Giants failure that forgot to see how we finished in the NFC East. But I do know one thing, A Giants fan did push me to the ice at Rockerfeller Center after muttering how the Cowboys snuck into the playoffs. It is at this point that I decided to return to the present and share this info with the fanbase.