FanPost

A Mock Draft of a Different Color. Thanks for the Boredom Goodell. Offensive Edition.




So, in light of the extra two weeks Godell has given us to waste cutting each others throats in speculation of who just might dub a Star next year, I've decided to put together a nice little activity for BtB to lighten our mood a bit.

We'll all be doing mock drafts. Yaaaay! No, seriously. We really will. Only we won't be selecting players coming from the SEC, Big 12, Big 10(However those go), PAC 10/12/16 or any of the Garapolos and Romos of the world. We'll be selecting our players from the ranks of fictional characters. Ranging from Ricky Bobby to Bobby Bouche; from Gandolph to The Terminator. Oh yes, my friends. This is your chance to put Robocop at QB, launching mortar cracking bullets across the middle to The Doppleganger from early '90s Spider Man cartoons.

Comments could get a little lengthy if we went all in on one post. So this'll be a 2 part series. In this exercise, I'm going to ask that we try and stick to a template of 1 QB, 1 RB, 1 WR, 1 Slot WR, 1 TE, 1 FB, 1 RB, and 5 OL. We'll cover Defense a little closer to the draft, considering the idea that I assume most believe D is a bigger priority this May :)

At the end of this thing, I'll do a talent evaluation of each poster who has submitted an Offensive and Defensive roster; coming to some sort of bias and opinionated reasoning behind why one has risen above the rest.(No Iron men. So if you select a player for O then pick the same player for your D, you don't win.) What will you win, you ask...? Nothing. Absolutely nothing, other than what little satisfaction you may get out of me telling you you're better than everyone else at something. So whatever that's worth to you, I guess...

Man, I could really use some sarcasm font here... Hold on... @jkfjfghg@ ... Nope. OK, good. Anyway...

So, without further adieu, I'll kick it off...

QB - Willie Beamen. We've reached the "age of the mobile QB". Beamen comes with some digestive issues and is a known locker room cancer. No matter, he fits the mold of... Well, I really don't know. He was apparently picked up in the seventh round as a mobile QB project and somehow miraculously played like he was some all-pro with less than a season of grooming....! Ah, there it is. Adaptive. The man is a quick learner, as he'll have to be when playing with a bunch of dudes with super powers

RB - Wolverine. Can't have our guy pulling up lame in week 6. With Wolvie at the helm, hamstrings are a thing of the past. Rejoice Cowboy Nation. Not only does he hit the hole meaner and harder than Marshawn Lynch, he's also got a healing factor that can fix a split femur in less that 4 seconds.

WR - Deadpool. A team like this is in dire need of a big time Diva WR. Deadpool fits this bill. Though, he has some pretty substantial character issues, I think he'll bring a real Richard Sherman-esque trash talk appeal. Besides, if some CB has him blanketed, no doubt his moral obligation will be no issue when he's force to gun the poor soul down.

Slot - Nightcrawler. Really wanted to go Spider Man here. But, you just can't deny the benefit of having a guy teleport to that open area in the zone.

TE - Cage. At 6'6" 425lbs with a build similar to Demarcus Ware, Cage brings a dense unbreakable frame to this offensive squad. No need to build an offense designed to get TEs in space here. Just toss him the rock over the middle every time. LBs will bounce off like ping pong balls.

FB - Juggernaut. I mean, really...? Top that.

T - The Big Show. I am not a wrestling fan. At least not since I was 9 or 10. But this guy... I just want to see him choke slam JPP one time.

G - Lumpy. Yep. You heard me right. Need to bring a little hunger to this group. Does he count as fictional? The character Skinny has made for us all does. Yeah, THAT Lumpy.

C - Hulk. (Disclaimer: Must grow beard before contract renewal.)

G - Bane. Not the wussy movie version, either. I'm talkin' "intravenous toxic waste easy-button" Bane.

T - Doomsday. All OLs should have that ONE crazy guy. I mean blow the F'n world up crazy. You obviously don't want too many of these guys up front because they'll start to create some pretty crappy team chemistry when you get a group of them together. But, one? One can bring a real edge to the group. Doomsday is this guy. Planted next to Bane, with Hulk as your anchor, the pairing should do a more than adequate job road grading that right side out for ole Logan to put the claws down and hit the corner.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Blogging The Boys

You must be a member of Blogging The Boys to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Blogging The Boys. You should read them.

Join Blogging The Boys

You must be a member of Blogging The Boys to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Blogging The Boys. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker