The 2nd Annual BTB Awards

Well, well, well.....Here we go again!

Can't believe another year's come and gone already. We got to experience our third 8-8 season in a row, losing in the final game of the schedule to a different division comrade in each of those years. If I had any math skills at all, I'd make an effort to calculate the odds of that happening. Then again, maybe I shouldn't. The improbability of that ever occurring would, in all likelihood, cause my colon to fall out. And who needs that mess.

No, the best thing to do would be to learn what we can from our mistakes and concentrate on improving and upgrading for the fall. That's right, the fall. We've still got several weeks before we see any significant football at all. And four months before any real, for-the-record, honest-to-gosh game time. That boils down to the length of an entire regular season before we get to the actual regular season. Does that depress anyone else? Ain't got nearly enough hankies to get me through this. Just thinking about it.....Sorry, getting a little verklempt.

We've gotten over a few of the off-season hurdles in relatively quick agency.....the combine.....the draft. And with rookie camps under way and the supplemental draft coming up, we've still got a couple of things to look forward to before the guys head to Oxnard.

So, to fill that void we all have burning in our bellies, why not have a smidge of fun and find out who's been naughty and who's been nice in the BTB world. And, most importantly, who'll be walking away with one of the most coveted awards in the civilized world. Well, as civilized as we can get, I guess. That's right, my little internet droogies, it's time for the presentation of this year's ButTerBalls.

And just to keep everyone in the loop, here are the results from last year's ceremonies.

Best Front Page Writer

It's been said before, but not nearly enough.....This place would be a ghost town without these guys. Considered just saying the hell with with it, and handing out a Butterball to everyone contributing to the front page. They deserve it. Would certainly make this a lot easier. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

The Nominees:

Dave Halprin.....Pepto and Tums. Can you blame the guy? Look what he's got to deal with.

One.Cool.Customer.....He's blowing off Oxnard to go surfing with his son. Whacked out priorities definitely gets OCC a red mark in the fandom column. How could he?

KD Drummond.....Briefly chatting with KD on his podcast a few weeks back was the highlight of my life. Didn't realize how utterly pedestrian my existence has been to this point. Wish I had a gas stove.....

Tom Ryle.....Still waiting for the adoption papers to go through. Can't decide whether to call Tom Papa or Daddy. Tom says he's partial to Mr. Ryle. Don't think his heart's in this.

rabblerousr.....Biding his time until he can get a look at Jerry's big board. That just sounds wrong.

DawnMacelli.....Has brought class, style and a unique point of view to the front page. Plus she has those. I like those in a writer.

Joey Ickes.....Reminds me of a Math teacher I had in 8th grade. I hear he's off the medication and has got the drooling under control. Still talks to his toes, though. Baby steps.

And the Butterball for Best Front Page Writer goes to.....DawnMacelli! Dawn was thrown in with an impressive crew of writers and has held her own admirably. And then some. As proud as we are all of what you've accomplished on BTB---seeing your name above one remarkable article after another---we're even more saddened by your absence in the comment threads. Feel like I did when my sister moved away.

Best Avatar

The Runners up:

You know what, I'm not gonna waste your time with any of this runners up nonsense. There are plenty of noteworthy candidates for this category, but in the end, they don't hold a candle. And never will. Every time TARHEEL PAUL posts, we're treated with her smile. That's Paul's gift to us. My gift to him, in return for sharing his angel with us, is an uncontested Butterball. Thanks for letting us be a part. And congrats on being the first multi-winner of this coveted award.

Best Screen Name

The Runners up:

Witten mittens.....If I ever saw the Senator wearing mittens, I would seriously consider gouging out my eyes with a dull carrot.

Crunchberry.....Not bad. But I'm a Cocoa Puffs guy myself.

Useful_Idiot_.....Aren't we all? I meant idiots, not useful.

Ispeakredneck.....All dialects? Cause I got some neighbors I'm positive were the inspiration for Deliverance. Just can't make out what they're saying when I ask.

StillHateTheGiants.....How can you look at Eli's prescious little mug and say that? He's unhateable.

Jericho Slim.....Nothin' better than West Bank jerky.

And the Butterball for Best Screen Name goes to.....OyeRomoVa! Carlos Santana would approve, I'm sure. After all, he and Antonio Ramiro Romo, Jr. are paisans.

( On a side note: Would like to give an Honorable Mention to one of our brethren from Windy City Gridiron. Since he's not from BTB, his name was withheld from consideration for the Butterball. But it's still the best screen name ever and needs to be acknowledged. So, kudos to.....Suck My Ditka. )

Best Sig

The Runners up:

dunkman.....Don't believe everything you think

Rohpuri....."I wasn't good enough to bounty...They didn't know who I was."-Jason Garrett

Barbancourt.....He could have had any woman in the world but none could match the beauty of his own hand.

Samson254.....Let's show them our hearts, and then show them theirs.

pfloyd1.....The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.-G.B. Shaw

rabblerousr....."no one has ever cried and said how they always wanted to be an Eagle"

And the Butterball for Best Sig goes to.....Densa! I don't always drink beer but when I do I chunk the empties at Calvin Watkin's head! May your arm be strong and your aim be true, my friend.

Best Nickname

The Runners up:

One.Cool.Customer ( Cool Pig ).....Translated into English, it means chilly swine. Good luck with that, man.

DawnMacelli ( D-Mac ).....Keep picturing Dawn with a sideways hat, gold grill and a forty pound clock around her neck when I hear that nickname. She makes it work, though.

MosesArt ( Half-cool ).....As long as it's the lower half, you're good to go.

Tennessee_Jed ( Commodore ).....Mazel tov on the promotion. Next year I better be seeing Rear Admiral_Jed.

Yellowbeard ( Whiz Whiskers ).....Thanks, GalTex. Didn't quite have enough urine-based references to my name.

And the Butterball for Best Nickname goes to.....Ride Together, Die Together ( R2D2 )! Look at it this way, at least it's not Rosie from The Jetsons. All robots are not created equal.

Best Catch-Phrase

The Runners up:

JimmyK has no honor ( Tennesse_Jed )....."Honor your commitments with integrity"-Les Brown. Jimmy, Oh, Jimmy.

Hater ( Terry ).....It's not hatred , man. It's jealousy.

I love the Golden Cock ( Nickthegrip ).....Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Glory hole.....I love having Jerry as an owner. I'm an absolute sucker for outrageous unpredictability.

dorkhorse.....New to BTB. But I have a feeling, deep down in my nether regions, that this one may have some staying power. It's too damn good to fade away.

And the Butterball for Best Catch-Phrase goes to.....Draft some rushmen, dammit! ( skinny post )! I believe they heard you, bud. Don't don't see how they could've missed it.

Most Impressive Fanposter

This was one of the toughest categories to sort through. There are a ridiculous number of posters here who flood the fanpost section with great articles spanning every aspect of Dallas Cowboys football. Add to the mix those who delve into the personal side of BTB and it's members, and the diversity we're afforded has something for everyone. I don't want to say that fanposts are under-appreciated, because I don't believe that's true. But those who avoid the section or just never think to peruse, are missing out on some really impressive stuff.

The Runners up:

The Trenches.....Where do you think he stands on how to build a team?

The Real Dirk Gentry.....Since he's been writing for that other, less cool site, Dirk's contributions here have been sorely missed. Come back, Shane! Shane, come back!

ScarletO.....Usually, a slap of reality. Funny how we never think we need one, but begrudgingly welcome it when it's delivered.

Kegbearer.....Can't say I'm happy Kegger's been a little lacks in his fanpost contributions lately. But I'll give him a pass for now. Why? He's got KEG in his name!

FITAT.....Forget the condescension and just read his posts. Like a band-aid, do it quick. The sting is worth it.

Archie Barberio.....The front page's loss is our gain. Welcome back Chia.

VAfan.....Made a few splashes a while back. Think we'd all like to see some more cannonballs and triple gainers outta this guy.

diehardblues.....Can be a smidge testy in his opinions, but I always give points for tenacity. As well as quantity. This dude runs posts in bunches.

Dr.P.....A good percentage of his comments are fanpost-worthy. Makes his actual fanposts that much more special.

And the Butterball for Most Impressive Fanposter goes to.....Crunchberry! There's a new sheriff in town. The rest of us are just Barney Fife, polishing our bullet, and working the cross-walk.

Best Use Of Visual Aids

The Runners up:

skinny post.....Always has whatever he needs at his fingertips. Maybe if I didn't chew mine down to stubby nubs, I could compete.

mdlusk.....Banner display of ocular talents. We appreciate the efforts ( especially in regards to Shay ).

One.Cool.Customer.....Cheerleaders. Not much more needs to be said.

TrustNo.1.....Never hesitates to bring the goods. But the shots of her own brilliant creations are absolute gold.

And the Butterball for Best Use Of Visual Aids goes to.....Tennessee_Jed! Look under 'cat' in the dictionary, and you'll find a picture of Jed. How freakin' ironic would that be?

Most Congenial

The runners up:

KD Drummond.....Look beneath 'McSurly' and you'll find a damn good joe.

pfloyd1.....I guess all doctors aren't mean and scary. Maybe it's just the rubber glove that makes them seem that way.

Shaymer.....Never fails to thank the FPWs for their time and fine work in their efforts to keep this thing afloat. Something we all should remember to do more often.

nepacowboy.....Always classy. And all our fingers are crossed for your son's success on the college gridiron.

Rena.....How she keeps her cool while dealing with the yahoos is beyond me. Must be something in the water in Arkansas.

And the Butterball for Most Congenial goes to.....drobe86! As much crap as this guy takes, I've yet to hear him be anything but cordial. If anyone had the right to snap someone's head off, it's drobe. Kudos for sticking to your guns with class and not taking the bait. Hands down, easiest pick of this year's ceremonies.

Most Knowledgable Poster

I'm gonna exclude all the FPWs from this category. I think it's a fair assumption their knowledge goes a little deeper than ours since those guys ( and gal ) are knee-deep in this stuff 24/7. Just didn't want one or more of them getting bent because I didn't recognize their delicate genius. We get it.....You're all smart. Let's move on.

The Runners up:

Dr.P.....Just found out recently he's not an actual doctor. Good thing, too. Could you imagine one of his marathon posts written in prescription?

The Real Dirk Gentry.....A bass-playing teacher to boot. That's the guitar, not the fish. I think.

Archie Barberio.....Technically, he's not a FPW anymore. So bite me.

FITAT.....Tendencies, tendencies, tendencies. I hate it when he's right.

Crunchberry.....Wish I had the dedication and drive to do what he does. The brain to go along with it would be nice, too.

Rohpuri.....Disappeared for a while, but I think we're all more than a little pleased to have him back.

And the Butterball for Most Knowledgable Poster goes to.....Kegbearer! Look, picking one name out of the crowd that encompasses BTB was a Herculean task. I copped out last year and whiffed on an actual poster. There are dozens who deserve the recognition and choosing one in no way reflects on the others. Keg has never failed to impress. Not only with his knowledge, but with his unwavering dedication to optomism. Always makes me smile on both accounts.

Most Likely To Get Fragged By His Own Troops

The Runners up:

outnumbered.....So was Custer. And he's one of the most revered figures in American history. Of course he had to die coughing on his own blood to achieve that, but still...

BeeeGeee.....The screen name alone is just cause. Anyone who brings to mind a white, three-piece polyester suit should be wary of the crosshairs.

FITAT.....Sorta like talking to Sheldon Cooper. You listen to what he has to say while trying to remember where you stashed your garrot.

itelldatrutht.....One person's truth is someone else's...Uh, untruth. There's only one absolute truth---Mary Ann is hotter than Ginger.

drobe86.....I love ya, man. So for my piece of mind, invest in some kevlar. Please.

And the Butterball for Most Likely To Get Fragged By His Own Troops goes to.....Calvin Watkins! Whether he's a member of BTB or not---I happen to believe he is---Watkins would have more lead in him than a No.2 pencil if he strayed into the fray. Can't fix stupid...But you can end it.

Most Alluring In A Leather Jumpsuit

The Runners up:

Fernie67....."Say my name, 'Beard. Say it! Say Jackass!" Yes, Mistress.

DawnMacelli.....I'm seeing a Catwoman sequel running through my head. And I ain't hating it. Meow.

Rena.....Leather, banhammer, hiking boots. There aren't enough cold showers in the world to get me past this.

TrustNo1.....And there are no doubts in my mind that this little philly will make it herself. Better be prompt with the pictures. Any pose displaying cat-like flexibility will do.

GalTex.....Toss in a leather cowboy hat as well, and the image is complete. Gimme a minute.....

And the Butterball for Most Alluring In A Leather Jumpsuit goes to.....Tom Ryle! The whole me wanting to call him "Daddy" thing just seems a little disturbing now.

Cutest Couple

The Runners up:

TARHEEL PAUL, Trueblue122 and Nickthegrip.....I know that's actually three, but it's hard to think of one without the other two. They're like a Siamese triplet daisy chain.

Musiccitynorm and Terry.....Each has a big red button on their forehead. And the other is a woodpecker just tappin' the hell out of it.

5Blings and Terry.....Same as above, only it's Blings.

Aggie Man and Terry.....Same as above, only it's Aggie Man.

( fill in the blank ) and Terry.....Same as above, only it's...Damn, son. When do you find the time to cuddle your Romo Fathead?

And the Butterball for Cutest Couple goes to.....Gabby! Don't judge me. You can't fathom my shame at having typed that.

Gone But Not Forgotten

The Runners up:

Dire Wolf.....When we were kids, we had a wacky uncle who put an airhorn in his 300ZX and would give us cigarettes and beer when he came to visit. I miss him, too.

Football Mensa.....A voice of reason was silenced. And if you knew Mensa, strapping on that muzzle couldn't have been easy.

HonorTheStar.....Silly as it seems, I loved what he brought to the pond. Glass-like serenity is great for admiring your own reflection, but a few ripples forces us look elsewhere.

tanstaafl.....Am I the only one that feels like a part of my soul has been shredded?

And the Butterball for Gone But Not Forgotten goes to.....Hermit! RIP, brother.

Most Revered Long-Time Member

So many have contributed so much for so long. They all get a nod. I've only been here for a couple of years, but it's really difficult to remember what life was like before I found this place. Wish I could share the memories some of these guys have of the early days.

The Runners up:

DalaiLuke.....This category came about because of a suggestion by Luke last year. And it was a damn good one.

Realist Larry.....Always brings us back to earth. Whether we like it or not.

TARHEEL PAUL.....Most of us know more about him than we do the people next door.

Fernie67.....Fernie Fern Fern. Did her time on the mod squad. Now she can take it easy and enjoy the fruits of her service---a more civil and friendly BTB. ( cough )

thebigham.....I think, more than almost anyone, ham cares about the integrity of this site.

dunkman.....That avatar says it all.

Terry.....A model of consistency. Seriously, have you ever seen anyone in your life stay on point for so damn long?

And the Butterball for Most Revered Long-Time Member goes to.....Dave Halprin! No one here deserves more praise and accolades than our fearless leader. He's kept this ship in the water and relatively rat-free since the beginning. He sets the tone and has made BTB one of SBNation's most successful blogs. We couldn't do this without him. And quite frankly, I don't think I would want to try.

BTBer I'd Most Like To Have A Drink With ( if I drank )

Let me make one thing clear.....There isn't a single member of this blog I wouldn't go out of my way to meet. NOT ONE. There are a few here who make me want to do a belly-flop on a rabid porcupine, but they are still Cowboys fans. And swapping stories with anyone who worships The Star would be a cool way to spend a few hours. Besides, the truly critical fans are usually the most interesting. Still, there are several who stand out to me.....

The Runners up:

BWaj22.....He's a kung fu drummer for, cripe's sake. How frackin' cool is that?

Realist Larry.....Blunt, bold-faced honesty. Something I value highly in everyone.....except women. Lie to me. I like it ( or at least I'm used to it ).

Tennessee_Jed.....Pretty sure patrons at the surrounding tables would be wetting themselves. As would I.

Densa.....Not many people I feel smarter than. And Densa, well, he ain't one of them.

Omahacowboy.....A voice of silliness and truth amongst the tumbleweeds and scrub oaks. That's just how I picture it. For all I know, Omaha's a bustling metroplolis, like Biloxi.

Tyrone Jenkins.....Maybe if I'm really nice, he'll let me take that sport bike for a spin.

pfloyd1.....Always wondered how doctors really felt about the whole "turn your head and cough" thingy. Would like to know if he's ever dry-heaved between squeezes.

And the Butterball for BTBer I'd Most Like To Have A Drink With goes to.....Let's see. I could either sit across the table from some unshaven, odiferous neanderthal. Or gaze into the moist, doey eyes of a special lovely, and talk football while vanilla oil tickles my nose. Fuggetaboutit. The Butterball goes to ALL of them. All the ladies who call BTB home are walking out of here with bling. I'm calling it.....Group hug! This place wouldn't be the same without ya.

Looks like we got another one in the books, my friends. Hope y'all take it for what it is---a way to show my appreciation for everything everyone of you bring to this place. It's not said nearly enough. BTB is special. Honored to be a small part of it.

Another user-created commentary provided by a BTB reader.

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