My inside sources have provided me with secret phone recordings of Jerry Jones and Bill Parcells discussing Terrell Owens. These tapes provide the real story behind the controversial signing. Draw your own conclusions from this transcript.
1st phone call.
Ring. Ring.
Parcells: Hello.
Jones: Yo Bill, its cash money Jerry, what up?
Parcells: How'd you get this number?
Jones: I'm your boss, remember?
Parcells: So you keep telling me. I'm busy right now breaking down stats on bunting the runner over late in a baseball game. LaRussa compares it to kicking a FG or going for the TD. I'm leaning toward kicking the FG. So make it quick.
Jones: Look, I talked to your boy Keyshawn and he wants to get paid and I'm not giving him that kind of money at his age. If I'm going to pay big bucks to an over-30 receiver, I'd rather give it to Terrell Owens.
Parcells: I know Keyshawn, and if he thinks he's being under-paid he will take the hard-line, not even I can control that. It's your world Jerry and I'm only here another year, so you do what you need to do.
Jones: OK, I'm going to release Keyshawn and I've been in negotiations with Owens and Rosenhaus. I think we can get a deal done.
Parcells: OK let me know when you're close, you can reach me in Tony LaRussa's office. And sign a damn kicker Jerry.
Jones: Gotcha.
2nd phone call.
Ring. Ring.
Parcells: Yeah?
Jones: I got a deal in place with Owens, it's a multi-year deal but we have an out after 1-year. He's getting paid so he should be good for at least a year. Can you handle him for a year?
Parcells: No problem, I want to win this year and Owens can probably help us do that. But you have to promise to let me handle him my way, no interference.
Jones: Alright, he's all yours after the initial press conference and news cycle. Sorry about having to let Keyshawn go.
Parcells: You can make it up by giving Terry Glenn some money. He deserves it.
Jones: Will $2 million do it.
Parcells: Perfect, I gotta go pitch to Albert Pujols, I'll see you in a couple of weeks.
Jones: Wait a second; I also got you a kicker.
Parcells: Vinatieri?
Jones: No, Vanderjagt.
Parcells: What? Was Dennis Rodman not available?
Jones: Now that you mention it, Rodman is available and he'd make a heck of a TE. I'll let you know how the negotiations go.
Parcells: I need a raise. Click.