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"The Owens Affair" opening soon in Dallas

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All the world's indeed a stage
And we are merely players
Performers and portrayers
Each another's audience
Outside the gilded cage - Rush, "Limelight"

The stage is set, the main actors are finally in place - I think. We know that besides the occasional owner's meeting, Jerry Jones pretty much hangs out at Valley Ranch. The reports came in yesterday that Bill Parcells' familiar car was indeed parked at Valley Ranch. That's two for two. But whither our third main player? I've heard it said that Terrell Owens is participating in the offseason conditioning program at Valley Ranch, but I've seen nary a photograph or heard a recorded conversation to prove this, not even a quote from the never media shy wide receiver. What gives? Is Owens prowling the halls of the Ranch, making nice with his new teammates? Can someone in the local media please confirm whether Eldorado is parked out at Valley Ranch? If they can stake out Parcells' car, surely they can stake out Owens.

Whatever the case, the circus is setting up shop, ready for its big debut. Try as the media might though, I don't think Parcells is going to be eager to promote the opening. I would expect Parcells to shun the media for as long as possible, possibly right up to the draft. Now Jerry Jones will have no problem playing the carnival barker: "Step right up and see the world's most controversial wide receiver". But what of Owens? Has anybody noticed that since the day of the press conference about the signing, no one has heard anything from Eldorado? Let me rephrase that, we did hear his effort at a rap song; 50 cent shouldn't be looking over his shoulder. But what about a real live interview, maybe a few juicy newspaper quotes, or a mournful soliloquy about the death of touchdown celebrations?

So we wait and wonder. What's going on over at One Cowboys Parkway? I'm curious. Is Eldorado in the house playing Xbox with Julius Jones? Are Drew Bledsoe and Eldorado breaking bread together, discussing their favorite routes or where to get a decent steak in Irving?

I'm calling on Mickey Spags, Todd Archer, Nick Eatman, or any other member of the local Dallas press to fill us in. Is Owens working out at Valley Ranch? And if he is, why aren't you guys stalking him until you get him to say that Donovan McNabb couldn't carry Drew Bledsoe's jock? Or is he saving that for his book?

Inquiring minds want to know.