clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Cowboys @ Vikings: Jared Allen Inadvertently Guarantees Cowboys Victory

New, comments

This playoff game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Minnesota Vikings can't get here soon enough. At least once the game is played, the guarantees and the counter-guarantees can all come to an end. Plenty of Vikings players are feeling feisty, and probably have a lot of pent-up energy after sitting out last week with a bye. They need to play some football, and I couldn't agree more.

One team will win, one will lose, and all the silliness will stop.

What silliness?

It started with Pat Williams, the Vikings mammoth defensive tackle. He ‘guaranteed' a Minny victory

Williams was asked on Monday, "Joe Namath waited until the Super Bowl to guarantee a win. You want to guarantee a Super Bowl win today?"

"No, I ain't (giving a) guarantee (for the Super Bowl). We just have to win this first game. I guarantee we win this first game, though," he said.. "Yeah, we're going to win this first game."

But, since he's a defensive tackle, not many paid attention. Nobody listens to the interior linemen!

In an effort to upgrade their ‘guarantee' predictions, ol' Gray Beard stepped in and upped the ante - sort of. 

"Honestly, I see us sitting here next week having this press conference again," Favre said, via the Minneapolis Star Tribune. "If that doesn't happen, to me it will be a shock."

Of course, Favre was referring to a press conference next week in the same vein as the one he was giving - talking about the upcoming playoff game. Translation: It'd be a shock if they didn't win Sunday. As far as guarantees go, that one is about as week as they come.

But it didn't stop our own Gerald Sensabaugh from responding

``We'd have to beat ourselves to lose,'' Sensabaugh said. ``The way we're playing right now, I don't think we can be beat.''

``He might can do a news conference, but he might be on the losing end."

Well, not exactly a stinging rebuke.

Sigh, all this guarantee talk is riding way below the acceptable level - I mean, if you're going to guarantee a win, do it Joe Namath-style. Just come out and say it.

Wait, we have a development. Jared Allen has made a statement. 

When the radio host asked him for a prediction to Sunday's game, Allen said, "We kick butt."

Uh oh, big mistake. Remember last week, when a Dallas opponent tweeted

"Its all good we gonna sting they ass next week lil buddy ..."

We know how that turned out. Apparently, the Cowboys don't like anybody, talking anything, about making physical contact with their posteriors. Leave the gluteus maximus alone when discussing Dallas.

Too late. Jared Allen just inadvertently guaranteed a Cowboys victory when he declared "we kick butt."

This game can't get here soon enough. Or else I'll be forced to look for more ‘guarantees'. Please don't make me do that!