It has been a rough
year decade patch for the Dallas Cowboys. The team has performed poorly since the glory days of the triplets. We have seen inept coaches, mind numbing draft picks, and some ownership moments that leave us all shaking our heads. But through it all, there has always been one unshakable item of faith: The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are the most gorgeous collection of feminine beauty on the face of the Earth.
And now some chowderhead writer at CNBC named Darren Rovell has dared to claim that they are only the second best cheeleading squad in the NFL.
Them's fightin' words
I take some more umbrage after the jump.
Who in the world could possibly supplant the original and best Cheerleaders? Why, the squad for the New England Patriots.
Here is part of his reasoning about why he likes the Pat's squad.
Let's start with its website, which contains 16 years of photos and something called "Cheer 365" where fans can vote on which picture they find most attractive.
OK. So you like lots of pictures. I can see that. But just how does that make them superior to our own beloved lovelies? He certainly had some nice things to say about the Cowboys own.
On the team's website are endless photos and updated cheerleader blogs, not to mention more than 130,000 people have "liked" the squad on Facebook.
Wait, isn't "endless" more than "16 years"? That's sort of like "infinity", right? Shouldn't the DCC win on that criteria?
I don't see any logical reasoning involved here. This is obviously yet another bit of blind prejudice in the media. Look, I lived in New England for a year. And I will put the women of Texas up against the ladies of the Northeast in a heartbeat.
But this is not about objective judgements of pulchritude. This is about pride. This is about loyalty. This is about always being ready to see more cheerleader picutures on the articles.
I think I have figured out the secret agenda this Rovell guy has. He knows that you can't really rank the cheerleading squads, and that the fans of every team that has cheerleaders will feel that their own group is the best and most visually pleasing. And if you think Cowboys fans will get their backs up when you question the idea of the Cowboys being America's Team, you must surely realize that we will come looking for you if you dare diss the women who started it all for professional sports cheerleading.
No, I see through your little plot. You know that putting cheerleader pictures up will get people to come to your article. How shallow. How unimaginative. How dare you steal our schtick?
And it goes deeper than that. You had to do research. Sitting there at your computer, looking at all those legs and faces and navels. Comparing cleavage. Checking the view from the back. Picture after picture after . . .
I'm sorry. Where was I?
Oh, yeah, and when your boss asks you why you have been staring at all those images of scantily clad, gorgeous women, you just looked innocent and said "Just working on my story."
We know what you were up to. And we will not listen to your silly rankings. We know our cheerleaders are better than anyone else's. And we are willing to spend way more time looking at them than you are to prove it.