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Week 2 Tweetcap: Beatdown by Broncos buries Cowboys Twitter into premature depression

Broncos dismantle Cowboys 42-17 as folks feverishly and prematurely announce their demise.

NFL: Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

There is nothing about a 42-17 loss that is worthy of the silver lining post that will follow. Yeah, the first step is admittance that the Cowboys got dominated by the Broncos in all phases of the game. With that said, why would we re-post tweets from that beatdown, are we really that cruel? No, but it’s not about cruelty more as it’s about moving on. Instead, we’ll pick on some “Overreaction Jacksons”, as my household affectionately calls it, while also keeping the mood light because there is no need to re-live this one.

If you’ve learned anything about the NFL, it’s important to realize that A.) you can learn from every performance and B.) no season was ever decided after two games.

This was a loss, a bad loss, a humbling loss, but season-ending loss? Knee-jerk reactions have become a staple for networks like ESPN and FS1 but not here. Shall we begin?

There are so many problems to have with this statement. First of all, there is no need to hide behind an implication. Step up and say what you mean. Did the Cowboys get outcoached? Absolutely they did but this is as bad as tweeting “sources say” when your source is someone who’s uncle once sat next to a former quality controls coach at a luncheon their company set up.

Anybody who has watched a Cowboys’ game in the last year and change could tell you “Talent isn’t the issue.” Coaching isn’t either, the NFL is about matchups and the Cowboys were outmatched in this particular game. Most folks here already know this but here is a PSA for those that need it:

The response from these folks is always along the lines of “I’m real” or “I tell it like it is”. Well that’s an attempt to call out someone’s objectivity. Reality? Reality is that the Cowboys offense has scored three touchdowns in two weeks. They have faced elite defenses that have severely limited their abilities to perform. Ezekiel Elliott is still looking for his first touchdown of the season. The offense as a whole has not been themselves which, in turn, has stripped them of their identity. Until they return to the offense everyone knows they can be, they will find it extremely hard to win games.

So, “Cowboys’ defense is garbage” is a popular take right now. Well, they were the only reason this 42-17 loss wasn’t even worse. Think about it, without the DeMarcus Lawrence strip-sack, they don’t get the fade touchdown to Dez Bryant. Without the Jourdan Lewis interception, Jason Witten doesn’t cut the lead to 18 points. You can blame the defense for getting torched by the Broncos but give them credit for helping an offense that wasn’t about to help itself.

All joking aside, the best thing you can do after a loss is avoid any mainstream shows via those networks we mentioned. Just go watch Food Network or destroy a sixth-grader on Madden 18 or maybe YouTube all of Will Ferrell’s comedic cameos.

By the looks of some reactions from social media, lots of grown men will be taking cold showers, fully-clothed, while jamming Celine Dion and crying tomorrow. There is not a damn thing that is wrong with rocking powerful lady jams but I’m more of a Florence and the Machine or Garbage type of guy, you dig? Back on subject...

Oh, is that the blueprint, LT? So all you got to do against the Cowboys is stifle their run while simultaneously shutting down all their receiving talent, catching their defense undermanned in the secondary, and making sure Sean Lee, Byron Jones, or others uncharacteristically miss tackles? Well that sounds so easy, thanks for sharing. The truth is that outside of the Broncos or Seahawks, that’s much easier to say than execute.

This team got their tail kicked all over the field. The Broncos literally executed the perfect Cowboys’ gameplan against their originators. They dominated time of possession, rushing yards, third-down percentage, and everything above. Denver point-blank Cowboy’d the Cowboys. That’s a pretty hard task but the Broncos get all the credit for having the personnel to make it look easy.

It’s quite alright to be angry or frustrated with this loss, everyone should be but try to avoid those knee-jerkers. They’re lurking in every corner, waiting to pounce on anyone they can bring aboard their misery boat.

If it helps, don’t let that final score of 34-23 fool you. The Packers got 13 points in garbage time after trailing 34-10 to the Falcons. Those pesky Packers got beatdown too but does anyone doubt that they’ll be involved in the postseason picture? What about the beatdown the Patriots took in Week 1? Your Dallas Cowboys are 1-1, tied for first in the NFC East (for what it’s worth), and take on a Cardinals team who needed overtime to beat the Colts? The Cowboys’ got their “Murphy’s Law” game out early, time to go to work. We’ll leave you with another tweet from yours truly, a repeat offender who has been rehabilitated:

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