The drapes have been drawn, cuts have been made, and the initial reupholstering of the 2021-22 Dallas Cowboys is complete—the season is (nearly) here! For fans, like me, who reside outside of the Oxnard or Frisco city limits, we’ve been treated to a behind-the-scenes peak of this edition of the ‘Boys. And HBO’s Hard Knocks confirms what we all speculated: the offense is going to be NICEEEEEEEE. Everyone knows it; hell, some are even writing that we have a top-3 roster.
Acknowledging the obvious, our talisman under center is healthy and ready to get back at it. If you’re a betting bloke, take the over on Dak, a top-10 QB, bouncing back to win Comeback player of the Year; our MVP candidate is about to thrive in this system. Plus Dakota’s best friend is ready to show that the past two seasons were aberrations. Slimmer, faster, and with a chip sitting under his shoulder pads, Zeke is revving to run, catch, and dominate once more.
The offensive line is finally healthy! What was once a bastion for the Dallas Cowboys, injuries (and a retirement) over the past seasons substantially limited the team. Though frustrating to watch, I must admit that the injuries were a proverbial blessing in disguise. Because Joe Philbin—and the OG Marc Colombo—developed our guys so much so that teams are now looking to poach some of our backups! Although we’ll be without (arguably) our best player, Zack Martin, for the season opener, the depth of the trenches will allow us to continue the game plan as planned. As for the receiving weapons, we have, as some fans have put it, three WR1s! The TE Position? Blake Jarwin and Dalton Shultz, on paper, should be a potent duo, usurping the Philly duo of Godert/Ertz as the best in the East. The Defense? IMPROVED. Folks are already anticipating for Dan Quinn to be 1-and-done.
With this type of firepower, fans of the other 31 franchises are likely to end up hating. And hate for the Dallas Cowboys is a byproduct for reasons already familiar: the Cowboys are the most valuable franchise; our fans are, subjectively, the most passionate; we sell out our own stadium, overtake others, and, quite frankly, we talk the best s---! Mind you, all these are true even though we really, as the OGs say, don’t have a pot to piss in; Jourdan Lewis’s jersey number represents the number of years passed since we last made it to the NFC Championship Game/Super Bowl. What to make of that? I say it’s only steeled us for the inevitable: THE COWBOYS SHALL RISE AGAIN.
Also rising, it seems, are fans looking to rumble. Peeking at the NFL landscape, one sees that other fanbases are already bickering and brawling. If these folks hate their own, they’ll surely hate us once we roll deep into their stadium, with our top-3 roster, bellowing variations of Jimmy Johnson’s catchphrase or, to use a more recent cultural cry, Wiz Khalifa’s WE DEM BOYZ. And while I hope the fan rumblings are an outlier we must still prepare for the worst.
To that end, I will be spending these remaining Greg-Zuerlein-jersey-number days sharpening my hands—not for boxing/fighting but for writing/tweeting—for the upcoming season. Soon it’ll be time to get at it. So, I hope all of you are prepared to get things cracking. In two days, we go again! Or as Michael Buffer puts it: LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE.