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Using Stephen King movies to describe the upcoming Cowboys season

Brace yourself for another scary season from the Cowboys.

Christopher Walken In ‘The Dead Zone’ Photo by Paramount/Getty Images

“The gonna break!”

If you are one of the many who love to dabble in Christopher Walken impersonations, you might recognize this phrase as a classic line from Stephen King’s 1983 movie The Dead Zone. In this movie, the appropriately cast Walken awakes from a coma only to learn that he has psychic powers and can see into a person’s future by coming in contact with them. The Dead Zone contains a clever premise and has even been parodied in a skit on Saturday Night Live in one of the many times Walken has hosted the show.

The dead zone is also a period that many of us football junkies use to describe the six-week lull in activity from the end of minicamp to the official start of training camp. During this time, there aren’t many football activities going on so the storylines can be a little scarce. That’s why today, we’re going to have a little fun. Since we have officially entered the dead zone of football, we thought we would try to describe the Cowboys' season by using some other Stephen King movie titles.

Starting with training camp...


Quick story: I was in high school when I first watched the original Pet Sematary. My friend and I caught the last showing on a Friday night and I dropped him off at his home afterward. It just so happened that he lived way out in a backroad forest area and it just so happened that I got a flat tire on my way home. For 20 minutes in the pitch black dark, I had to nervously change a tire while hearing every little crackling noise from my surroundings. Fortunately, I wasn’t attacked by some previously buried evil entity, but suffice it to say, that was a very anxiety-ridden tire change I performed.

Training camp is a time for pet cats, but if you know anything about pet cats, their survival rate isn’t very high. And even if they get buried initially, sometimes they come back. We’ve all had our own favorites throughout the years, but it’s wise to temper our expectations. This season, my eye is on UDFA guard T.J. Bass and UDFA linebacker Isaiah Land. Both are players who have some intriguing traits, but they also play a position where the need might sweeten their chances of making the team.

Who is your way-too-early pet cat?

Moving on to the regular season, we expect the Cowboys to put it in ...


This is it. This is the year for Mike McCarthy to prove himself. This is the year for Dak Prescott to have the pieces around him. And this is the year for this Cowboys' defense to say to the world that they are one of the bests in the league. The Cowboys have added some explosiveness to their offense with newcomers Brandin Cooks and Deuce Vaugh. And they also sport a super-deep defense that is relentless in their pursuit, including the quarterback killer himself, Micah Parsons.

While all of this is good in theory, some stories just don’t live up to expectations. Is this the season that the Cowboys will be able to finally break through the carnage or will they once again find themselves driving around aimlessly?

And when it’s all said and done, we find ourselves in...


Watching Kathy Bates and James Caan battle it out in a secluded house was quite intense and that hobbling scene still makes me cringe to this day. As Cowboys fans, we have had more than our fair share of cringe moments, and each new year brings about its own new level of misery.

The Cowboys haven’t made it past the divisional round of the playoffs in 27 years. We all know that. And while there have been a handful of seasons over the last 15 years where we’ve felt like they’ve had a legit chance, it always ends in disappointment. Unless this team bucks a trend that is gradually approaching three decades, we should brace ourselves for another scary ending.

Which Stephen King movie do you think will best describe the Cowboys' season?

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